


Paper Hearts

by NerdyWolfy



Category: K-pop, SHINee
Genre: Alcohol Abuse, Alternate Universe - College/University, Drug Abuse, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-20
Updated: 2019-03-09
Packaged: 2019-05-26 03:22:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 27,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14991677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NerdyWolfy/pseuds/NerdyWolfy
Summary: “Did you know...?”Gwen was the girl who spoke in riddles, never revealing much about herself.“You should stay away from him.”That’s what Taemin always heard behind his back, people never daring to confront him.And it all started with a Welsh fact about fairies riding corgi’s.





	1. Chapter I

**Author's Note:**

> This will be updated every Friday but this is just a trial chapter

“How was your exam?”

She turned around once she heard the voice. She could recognize that voice from anywhere. It was a voice that reminded her of raging induced caffeine and two am talks about life or how the rubber duck came about.

That’s only because that happened earlier that morning.

Jinki, or Onew as his friends called him, was a music major at her university. She was always, _always_ , around him whether she liked it or not. She’s known him ever since she was eleven and him fifteen, being twenty-five nothing changed. At fifteen he was always up staying late practicing for exams the night before the test. He was a mediocre child, knew his stuff but didn’t remember all, so it was predictable that he’d get into a community college before getting into a university.

“¿Cómo estuvo tu examen?” she repeated while laughing. “Fine. Bueno. Easy. Fácil. I think I aced it. I should be asking whether yours went fine or not.”

He shrugged making his way to sit beside of her. “At most a ninety-two. I forgot a section of it so I started going with my best guess.”

“Oh you’ll do fine!” another voice spoke.

That was Key, or Kibum but he prefers Key, the schools smartass. He’s the kid who always makes A’s and always had a good attendance record. The most that this kid has done to get in trouble is correct the teacher. Majority of the time he’s right.

“Let’s walk, exercise is good for the body!” Key smiled as they start walking, “Did you know that exercise can reduce stress and anxiety?”

“No wonder everyone is walking around campus then,” she laughs.

“Ah, Gwen, you do not know the true form when students are late to class or on a caffeine run,” Onew added.

She laughed holding onto the backpack strap that hung over her shoulder. It wasn’t unusual to see students running at full speed to classes or running to get the caffeine out of their system. She could never tell though, some people had red eyes because of insomnia, some had it because of weed or alcohol.

That’s when she saw a kid, one who was quiet and sitting at the concrete picnic table staring down at a book. She couldn’t make out the name but she could tell it was a textbook. He looked like the loner type, someone who didn’t speak, someone who didn’t have a voice in the crowd.

She wasn’t in awe, as in love struck, when she saw him, but she was interested.

Most kids in college got out of their anxiety filled personality and became more extroverted. She knew this because Onew was one and she herself was one at one time too.

“Who is that?” Gwen pointed to the person who sat by himself.

“Lee Taemin, he’s the school stoner. He always has his head down so you don’t see his eyes. He doesn’t talk a lot either,” Key explained, “you should stay away from him.”

“He’s not that bad,” a voice came from behind them. There they saw the school’s drunk, Choi Minho.

“And why do you say that?” Gwen asked, looking at the beer can Minho held in his hand.

“Well, because I’ve known the kid for six years _—drink—_ he pushes people away so he doesn’t get hurt.”

She looked at him, _Taemin_ , to see him still staring down. He never once looked up, nor did he ever talk to anyone. No one dared step close to him, no one dared speak a word to him.

“He never gets physical or verbal. He just ignores you and hopefully you go away. Most people do.”

Gwen turned facing the direction of Taemin. “I’m gonna go talk to him.”

“No!” Onew grabbed her arm before she could walk. “What if—“

“It’s fine Jinki,” she turned to him giving a small smile that he couldn’t refuse. He knew this smile. It was a smile that held value, purity. Her eyes lit up and looked at him in a manner that made him lose his grip.

“I’m not going to get hurt or anything. I’ll make sure of it.”

He sighed, slow and deep with his eyes close, “Alright. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

She ignored his comment and made her way to him. He never once looked up, had his arm propped up which propped his head up and his hood up. His head was turned away from her not looking up.

She made her way closer to him before tapping his shoulder. He didn’t snap up like she thought he would, but paused when his hand went down. He faced forward, his body language not towards her at all. His face still down until he looked up, his expression showed annoyance of some kind, also showed his bloodshot eyes.

She didn’t have a plan when she came down here, so she said the first thing that came to mind. “Did you know in Welsh folklore, Corgi’s were the preferred method of transportation for fairies?”

His expression changed from annoyance to confusion mixed with irritation. That’s when she noticed, everyone had stopped to look at them. Most were wide-eyed and most had their mouth slightly opened.

She didn’t think about it until now but she realized why people were staring. It wasn’t because it was she was the only one daring to talk to the stoner kid.

It was that she was talking to the kid who _never_ talked to anyone. Not even acknowledging their existence and he just noticed her. She was talking to the school’s nobody, the school’s stoner.

She was talking to _Lee Taemin._


	2. Chapter II

Everything went downhill after that. He wasn’t unresponsive he _did_ talk to her, but not in a good way. If she remembered he said this;

“Why are you talking to me?”

After she didn’t answer he scoffed and walked away. She couldn’t remember clearly as her memory was bad but she could remember how to yell curse words in Spanish.

That’s where she ended up now, sitting in the library with Minho the next day. The library was relatively quiet and not a lot of students walking around.

“You really are persistent aren’t you?”

That was the first thing he said ever since he sat down next to her twenty minutes ago. She didn’t invite him over, not a wave or acknowledgement, just sat down and watched her write down something.

“Persistent of what?”

She didn’t bother to look up as she wrote something down on the stationary paper. It wasn’t pretty pink stationary, but it was nice stationary nonetheless. She was focused on this, not focused on what Minho had to say.

“Have you upgraded from weird facts to love letters? I mean, you are writing that to Taemin right?” she finally looked up seeing a goofy grin on his face.

“No,” she sighed annoyed looking down and began writing again. “Still facts. That’s my strong point actually. That and languages.” she folded the stationary putting it in her hoodie pocket. “What _is_ your major anyway?”

“Athletic Training. Physical Education. Call it whatever you like,” he shrugged resting his chin on his hand.

“Isn’t drinking bad for you though if you’re going into that?”

“That’s why I stopped smoking. Can’t give up this precious alcohol,” he shook the can in front of her.

“You’re weird,” she scoffed gathering her bags.

“Hey! You’re the one who’s weird for writing random facts instead of starting a decent conversation,” Minho noted while trotting to get by her side.

She giggled holding her books closer to her chest. “Why do you drink anyway?”

“‘Cause, _—drink—_ it’s fun. I’ve tried _loads_ of different alcohols but this by far gets me the least drunk ‘specially if I don’t need to be really _really_ drunk. Like now for example. Not the time to be drunk drunk. More like buzzed.”

“So you’re _always_ buzzed?”

“Not always. I mean, majority of the time, yeah, I guess. You’ll know the difference between Buzzed Minho, Not Buzzed Minho, and Drunk Minho.”

Gwen heard a familiar buzzing sound from her jean pocket. She hates that alarm, the constant buzzing noise coming from her pants as she had her arms full. She could agree though, it did keep her in track.

“Ah,” she sighed, “I gotta get to class.”

“Well, good luck finding lover boy in this _big_ campus,” Minho laughed before turning the other way.

That was true. She had a plan, but she didn’t know _how_ she was going to carry it out. She had to find Taemin before she could execute the plan. That in itself was hard to do as the campus was large.

That’s when she started walking on her way to class, hoping to run into him. She didn’t expect to find him as who would hang around the linguistic part of the whole college. Linguistic majors stayed in the back away from the main majors, they all knew each other and were friends with each other.

That’s when she found herself stepping back after bumping into someone. “Perdón.”

That’s when she looked to see Taemin staring back at her, annoyance in his eyes. He hasn’t had changed from the day before; eyes still bloodshot red, the same annoyance as before, still the same cold look he gave her.

“Oh! I’m sorry,” she trailed off helping him pick up his books, sliding her note underneath his books.

He said no word, not even acknowledging her really. He just stayed silent and left as quick as he came. Just like before his hood was still up not seeing much.

She didn’t get how, but Taemin was interesting to her. He stayed back, watched as people would pass by and somehow _everyone_ was afraid of this kid. He had done nothing to scare them away nor said anything to them. Why would people be scared of such a quiet kid?

“So, what’d the note say?”

Gwen jumped after hearing the voice from behind her. Either she didn’t hear him very well or he had quiet feet. She didn’t know.

“Key!”

“Sorry, sorry,” he chuckled, “so, what did it say.”

“That Gatorade tastes sweet when your dehydrated and tastes sour when your hydrated.”

“I thought everyone knew that?” Key questioned.

“I didn’t know up until a few days ago.”

“A few days ago you were stuck in a bathroom for twelve hours while I taunted you because I had your phone.”

Gwen hit Key on the shoulder with a laugh. “Shut up and go to class, Key.”

“Alright, alright,” before he left he grabbed her shoulder, “just be careful okay?”

“Key, I’ll be fine.”

She could see the worried expression on his face. His eyebrows slightly knitting together and his eyes looking at her in a way she couldn’t describe. It was like a puppy looking for its owner in the moonlight.

“Don’t get hurt.”

She sighed walking away, without looking back she spoke, “I won’t.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *comes in all whoopass like* okay I have no idea what I’m doing with this story so be prepared for surprises if there are any


	3. Chapter III

It had been a few days, at least a week, since their last encounter as she found a note in her locker. It was written on a scratch piece of paper and had very interesting word choice given by the author.

“I told you,” Minho remarked, “Taemin isn’t verbal. So this is as close as a word you’ll get out of him. Other than when you spoke to him at the bench.”

“Did he have to write such crude words?”

Minho shrugged. “It’s who he is. Probably in a bad state when he wrote it anyway.”

“You mean as in high?”

Minho shook his head. “Either getting down from a high or just simply at home.”

She didn’t know what he meant by that, neither did she want to know. She just wanted to talk to him, she wanted to know more about him.

“I told you before,” Key drawled as he laid his head in his arms, “be careful.”

“And I am Key,” she noted while ruffling his hair and laughing. “Don't you have a class to get to?”

“Nope,” he quipped, “not yet at least. In twenty  minutes at most.”

“Is goodie two shoes Keyster going to be a _bad boy_?” she teased.

“For you, yes.”

“What about you Minnyho?” she turned to Minho who choked in his drink.

“ _What the hell_? Minnyho?” he set down his drink looking at her.

“Minnyho! M-I-N-N-Y-H-O,” she spelt it out for him, “and you didn’t answer my question.”

He let out a sigh. “You already know Gwen. I am the epitome of bad boy,” he tilted her chin up as he smiled.

It wasn’t a smirk, it wasn’t raising up, but it felt cocky. It was irritating, taunting, she knew that. Not meant to have power over her but something to taunt her with. All she did was smile back and move his hand.

“I’ve got to head to the library to get some books for my class or else I’ll get there during rush time,” she turned to leave before looking back, “don’t get in trouble you two.”

Minho hummed in response and Key went to sleep, at least she thought so. After talking to Minho for the past few days, their first interaction being when she talked to Taemin, she got quite friendly with him. They weren’t close by any means, but close enough to consider each other friends.

Minho never talked about Taemin considering they were close, as he had told her. She never asked, Taemin was Taemin—he had problems of his own. It wasn’t her job to know every little detail about Taemin all at once, some things are kept hidden for a reason.

She opened the door to the library noticing one thing. Libraries are naturally quiet, but not _this_ quiet. You could always hear the little chatter of students, quiet conversations, and the typing of computers. It was like a ghost town, no one there.

But like ghost towns there’s always one person.

She surveyed the place quietly looking through the aisles. Her feet lightly hit the floor as she neared the books she needed. She was on edge as it was eerily quiet. Why wasn’t anyone here?

That was when she noticed, down the aisle beside of her was the tall figure. She’d never seen him stand so tall and not with his hood down. He was there in all his glory. He wasn’t wearing a hoodie but wearing short sleeves and denim jeans that seem to be faded. He scanned the shelf looking up, until he saw her.

Gwen froze, she didn’t know how long she has been staring. She didn’t mean to stare as long as she did but now she couldn’t move. Her legs felt stiff, felt weak but held her up. She held her grip on her bag hoping to use it as a barrier between him and her.

His face went cold. “Why are you always following me?” his voice sounded like the wispy air in a dark forest; intimidating and terrifying.

“What? I’m not—“

“Yes you are!” it wasn’t terrifying that he was yelling but the most terrifying thing was that he _wasn’t_. His yelling was like the screams of someone lost in a forest; not heard and alone.

“I’m not following _you_ ,” she said back, “look I apologize for the notes before. I stopped didn’t I?”

“That’s not the point!” he stepped closer.

“Then what is?” she didn’t move when he moved closer.

“The point _is_ that you talked to me.  _Why_ is what I want to know,” he snapped.

“I’m—I’m sorry,” she stuttered, “The only reason—the only—why is because—because you’re always alone. It’s—it’s that most students—students get out of that when they hit college.”

“So I’m a social experiment?” he stepped closer.

“No! By all—by all means no. I just—I just—“ she looked down her breath hitching and becoming abnormally faster, “I don’t know, okay?”

She reached in her bag and he groaned. “Not another one.”

“Just—just read it.” she held out the paper.

He looked at her, him within arms length of her, taking the paper. “You’re strange, you know that?”

She could only nod in response as she was in fear. She couldn’t look up as she was afraid of what would happen. Maybe it was best for her to leave him alone. People warned her and told her he was bad news. She’s ignored every one of them. Maybe they were—

Did she hear that right?

She looked up trying to steady her breathing. She saw a slight smile spread across his face as he read it. He folded it back and shook his head. “Who would’ve known? Oxymoron is an oxymoron within itself.”

She was confused by this from start to finish, but decided not to question it. She finally moved back after what seemed like forever. “Um—“

He walked past her before looking back. “Walk with me,” she didn’t know whether it was a question or a command, but walked with him. “You seem worth my time.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

He looked down to her with a smile. “It means I won’t bite your head off. Understand? Or do I need to say it in Spanish?”

Her mouth hung open slightly as she had no words. Did that mean they were friends?

She cleared her throat. “Yeah—yeah. I understand.”


	4. Chapter IV

Life went well after that. She was friends, she couldn’t say friends per say but not strangers, within Taemin. She hung around him every moment she saw. He was _quiet_ , to say the least. Ever since their relationship as whatever-it-was started he did talk he was just quiet.

She saw how observant he was. He would just stay quiet and observe other people as they passed by. His red eyes  scanning the campus as she talked. He was listening, he would answer, but he never looked at her. Sometimes he did, but not in the eye.

She noticed that Minho hung around Key a lot more as she hung around Taemin. Minho never intervened in Gwen and Taemin’s conversation nor even stepped towards them. She did noticed how Taemin would interact with him after school though.

Maybe they had a time and a place for each other.

Well, here she was sitting on the sofa in her apartment. It technically wasn’t just _hers_ but hers and Onew’s. So, she was alone _again_.

She was surprised when she heard the door open though.

“How’s school going?”

That voice. The same voice.

Onew.

His voice sounded different now, honey-like, brother-like. It was the warm soothing weather after a cold and harsh storm. But who said storms weren’t as soothing?

Sometimes he was like thunder; not aggressive but passionate. She knew he would protect her in any situation, life or death it didn’t matter. He was that one person who could pick her up after she had been beaten so many times.

Other times he was just rain; even if you get wet at least it’s not a thunderstorm. Those times were sweeter than his thunder times. He’d hold her in his arms after a bad breakup or stressful situations. She felt safe in his arms like it was a better home than her own.

But his voice was in brother mode right now. Caring but wanted something.

“Good. Yours?”

“Peachy,” he sighed, “I passed that test.”

“See! I knew you would!” she slapped his arm as he sat down next to her. “How is the class?”

“Hard,” he groaned throwing his head back on the sofa.

“But I have an average of ninety-seven in there, so it’s not like I’m failing or anything. I could do badly on one test and still be in the A spectrum.”

“True,” she nodded before turning to him with a smile. “Remember that class you had back in high school and you did not give a single corn chip about it so you guessed on every test but ended up getting a ninety-four in the class?”

Onew laughed. “Yeah! Who knew that would end up being my major here?”

Gwen laughed looking at Onew’s smile. It had been awhile since she had seen that smile so natural. It had been awhile since she had seen that smile of his, it had also been awhile since they talked too.

They both have just been so, busy.

Onew was working on a new project which made him spend late nights at the broadcasting station he worked at. He worked late and sometimes, most of the time, slept down there. He worked days at a time not even bothering to come home.

Gwen was in the library reading history books and finishing assignments. Sometimes she’s meet with Minho, watch him practice soccer when Onew wasn’t at home.

That was another thing in itself.

She’s spent so much time around Minho that it worries Onew. Gwen could see it in his eyes. He’d want to make plans but never could.

“I’m sorry,” his voice now quieter and less confident than before. “I’ve wanted to spend time but…”

“I know OneyOne,” she put her hand on his. “Work. Right?”

Onew nodded. “I’m almost done with it! I _promise_ we’ll spend more time with each other.”

“You’re trying your best. I know you are.” she got closer to him resting her head on his shoulder.

It was nice. They hadn’t done this is a long time, it had been at least a couple years or so since they actually got closer. They had their usual long talks at three am about life and whatnot, but nothing as close as this.

She missed him as he missed her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn’t know that I put X instead of V until after I started looking back through my drafts of this works and notcies “thirteen” “twelve” instead of eight and seven.  
> Alright that’s enough of my stupidity for one day


	5. Chapter V

Onew stuck true to his word. They hung out the next day, the next week, all the way until the next month. His project was done and he was off for an _entire_ week from the broadcasting station. That’s a big deal when the company won’t even let them spend two days off in a row.

So here he was reveling with the fact he got a whole week off with Minho and Gwen. Onew didn’t want to get close with Taemin and Minho but here he was drinking a beer with Minho.

“You sure you don’t want a beer Wenny?” Minho held one up for her but was declined.

“Nah. Beer doesn’t go well with me. Trust me ask Onew himself.”

“Yeah — _drink_ — she doesn’t drink, man,” Onew noted, “last time she did Gwen nearly fell off the chandelier in her home.”

“You have a _chandelier_?” Minho’s eyes got wide. “Man. What’s yours?”

“What?”

“What type is it? I’ve always seen others but I was stuck looking at _candles_. A _candle_ chandelier. Who the hell has candles on top of a chandelier? Has anyone heard of a fire hazard?”

Gwen cleared her throat. “Are you by any chance rich, Minho?”

“Yeah! I’m part of the Choi family.”

Holy mother of Jesus Christ are the Choi family rich. The family is quite taciturn, secretive, when it came to the public. No one knew who was part of the family and who wasn’t, except for the businessman himself.

“ _You_? _The_ Choi family?”

Minho nodded. “We’re very secretive because we don't want to be smothered in press. The only one willing to make that sacrifice was my father. I don’t look fancy nor do I want to be. That’s why we’ve lived in secret; so that me and my siblings can live a normal life.”

Gwen really had no words. She didn’t know that _he_ , Minho the school’s alcoholic, would be a Choi member. Of course she now had a new profound respect for him; he didn’t want anyone knowing their identities so they can live a happy life. She couldn’t help but feel astonished that he was a Choi member, not just a _member_ but apart of the family.

“I hope this doesn’t change our relationship, it’s just that I’ve never met anyone else that was rich. As you can tell I’ve stayed toward the back rather than in the spotlight,” Minho explained, “are you two rich by any chance?”

“I am,” Gwen spoke, “Gwen Vaughn.”

Onew laughed. “I’m surprised we’ve spent more than a month around each other yet we don’t know that one another is rich! Well, I’m not rich by any means but I’m not broke.”

“Onew’s family has connections to the higher-ups but doesn’t live in an extravagant house or anything of the sort. He’s more middle class than higher class.”

“Ah, but he looks so fancy all the time.”

“Oh please he can make a _bathrobe_ look fancy, Minho.”

Onew, who looked to be red faced, fell out of his seat while hiding his face. Minho on the other hand hid his face in between his legs while he shook with laughter.

“Anyway,” Minho coughed from the laughter, “I have something, not something but a question, to ask you two. You’re allowed to decline if you want.”

“Yeah, sure what is it?”

“You know I’m part of the soccer team here right?” Minho asked which seemed to dumbfound Gwen but Onew nodded.

“Yeah. Why?”

“Well, I have a game this week. Before you guys the only person I would ask if Taemin, depending on how the day went depended on if he went. Majority of the time he couldn’t go. So, will you guys go?”

Onew who laughed and nodded. “Yeah. I can go. What about you Gwen?”

“Yeah I can go.”

“Great!” Minho hopped up. “I gotta leave to check up on Taemin.”

“Something happen?”

“Hopefully nothing too major,” Minho’s face softened then went to his bright demeanor again. “Alright. I’ll see you two?”

“Count on it!” Gwen smiled.

Before Minho left the room he stopped at the doorway before turning back, “I really mean it. Thank you for agreeing to go,” and left without another word.


	6. VI

“It’ll be alright,” a voice soothed him.

Here Gwen was sitting with Minho on a grassy plain of some kind. He rubbed his hands together and sweat dropped down his face and the game hadn’t even begun yet, neither was it even close for it to begin.

His eyes were tired but wide and his hand rubbed together. He almost looked broken down and out of repair.

“I’m just,” Minho sighed, “I’m just scared that’s all. What if I don’t do good? I know this isn’t a _big_ game but what if there’s some of the big leagues there and I do a shit move? I’ve been training my whole life for games like this.”

“Minho,” Gwen linked her arm in his, “It’ll be fine.”

“But what if—“

“Ditto,” something, what seemed to be a hat, hit Minho’s head . Taemin, his eyes still red but not as red as before, sat down next to Minho. “Give me and Minho a minute will ya?”

Gwen nodded and walked off. That’s where she saw Key. Key never strays away far from the school so this area was a great way to unwind and sleep. He was leaned against the tree with his arms crossed and chuckling.

“Minho got the jitters?”

“Key, don’t make fun of him,” Gwen warned, “he’s just got cold feet that’s all.”

“The Minho, the school’s alcoholic, got _cold_ feet?”

“Stop being a jerk,” Gwen hit his arm. “Taemin is talking to him right now.”

Key switched his position so he was more comfortable on the tree. “Alright. I was just joking. You going to his game?”

“Yeah! Are you?”

“Nope, not because I want to. I actually _don’t_. It’s just that I’m busy with this stupid cooking competition that my professor signed me up for.”

“Oh, well other than being a jerk it’s a shame you can’t come. Onew and I are going, I don’t know about Taemin.”

“You really think Onew is going to go?” Key asked raising an eyebrow nearing his face towards her.

“What do you mean?”

Key sighed, which made her somewhat concerned. What made him say what he said? From what she knew, what she say, they were on good terms. Onew has nothing going on and was friendly. So why wouldn’t he go?

“You really don’t see it do you?”

“No,” she shook her head.

“Forget it Gwen. I don’t know what I’m saying,” and with that Key turned on his heels and walked away.

“You’re being a dick Key!” she called out walking towards him. “What’s got you so torn?”

“Nothing Gwen just walk away.”

“Key!” she finally reached him grabbing his wrist and held on. “I’ve known Onew for nearly fourteen years. He sticks true to his word.”

“Okay you know what?” he ripped his arm and turned to her, his eyes now colder and devoid of emotion. He gripped her wrist holding her in place. “If he goes then I’m wrong. If he doesn’t go I’ll give you a damn good explanation to _why_ he didn’t go.”

He let go, rather roughly and turned around walking away leaving her dumbfounded. She didn’t know why Key suddenly cared or acted so physical. His eyes were emotionless and his grip was hard.

And this made her scared as Key, the smart guy who didn’t give a damn, actually gave a damn.


	7. Chapter VII

It was still the same day but a different time. It had been a few hours since the fight that she and Key had and she still couldn’t get it through her head. What did he mean by that? What did he know that she didn’t?

But Gwen pulled herself out of her thoughts as she looked at the night sky. She preferred dawn than night, but the night was equally as good. The game was only thirty minutes away so she still had time to think.

She felt someone lay beside her on the grassy plain as she looked up. She didn’t speak but looked over to see Taemin a small smile tugging at his lips and his eyes clearer than ever. They weren’t white by any means, but 

they were better than what she had seen.

“Here,” he held a little note out to her. “Just read it.”

She laughed while opening it then laughed even harder. “Yes, I know that some flowers bloom only at night TaeTaemin.”

“ _ TaeTaemin _ ?” he laughed. “Don’t call me that.”

“TaeTaemin,” she drawled slowly taunting him.

He smiled. He  _ really _ smiled. It wasn’t the small smile he would make but a real genuine smile. It was like a rare occurrence happening only once in a lifetime. She hopes to see that smile more than just once.

They stayed quiet for the next few minutes just staring up at the stars. The pollution of the city caused tether not to see much of the night sky, but it was beautiful nonetheless. She wondered how many countless nights Taemin would stare up at the sky or if he even did it at all.

“Well,” Taemin nudged her, “we should get going. Minho’s game is in fifteen minutes.”

She sighed now sitting up. “Why did he ask me to go? I’ve barely known him for two months.”

Taemin stood up holding his hand out to her. “He might’ve just wanted you to go,” he shrugged. “There might be other reasons but I don’t know.”

He shoved his hands in his pockets and looked up at the sky as they walked. It was a quiet walk, Taemin staring up at the sky while she stared straight ahead. Gwen would glance up to see if Taemin had stopped looking but he never took his eyes off the stars. He seemed fascinated by them like he’d never seen them in a long time.

“Something caught your eye?” she asked breaking the silence.

“Yeah, it’s just that the stars are beautiful. It’s hard to see them when you’re in your room for so long.”

She hummed before frantically getting a piece of paper out of her bag and writing on a nearby surface, which happened to be her book.

“Really? Can’t you just say it?” Taemin laughed.

She shook her head. “No! This is our thing isn’t it?” she smiled before handing him the piece of paper. “I learned about Astronomy in my class back in high school. I thought that would interest you.”

He looked at the paper, which had times to see the planets clearest, facts about the planets themselves, and stars as well. He just laughed and folded it putting it in his pocket. “You noticed?”

“Well not everyone constantly stares up at the stars and down in the day.”

“Low blow, Gwen. Low blow,” Taemin looks down and cracks a smile. Their humor was weird.

“Sorry,” Gwen stifles a laugh, “Sorry.” they continued walking until she remembered something Minho had said a few days earlier.

_ “The only person I would ask is Taemin, depending on how the day went depended on if he went. Majority of the time he couldn’t go.” _

If this was the other part of the “majority” then this would be a rare instance, but she thought differently. He wouldn’t just up and go if Taemin knew Gwen was going. So, without even thinking she asked.

“So I’m assuming your day went well since you can make it to the game?”

He froze when she said that. She could see him wince, his teeth slightly showing and his eyes closed shut. His body tensed up and his head looked down his hair slightly covering his face now. He had bangs, and his hair wasn’t gelled up or anything, so it fell in front of his eyes.

“What?”

His voice was the most chilling thing she had ever heard. His voice was colder than the first time they met. When his eyes opened she froze as well.

His eyes were like the fiery pits of hell. They showed pure anger and hatred in his eyes as he stared at her. It wasn’t hatred as in, well, hatred, but more so in betrayal. He looked hurt but at the same time angry.

“I’m—I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to word it like that.”

“Then  _ what _ did you mean by it?”

“Not malicious!” she defended, “I’m sorry!”

“ _ Malicious _ ? Maybe think before speaking. How did you even  _ know  _ that?” his voice now seething in anger.

“Minho told me! All he said that you don’t usually show up to his games—nothing more!”

Taemin growled under his breath. It was light and quiet but that was what made it scarier. It was terrifying to see him this angry. The only time she saw him angry was when they became friends. She was always afraid of his anger showing, and now she had another reason.

He started walking faster to get away from her. She didn’t try to catch up or call out to him. She didn’t try because she knew it would only make him angry. She stepped over a boundary, and she saw her mistake. She only cared about what he would say next.


	8. VIII

The game was in halftime when she finally began looking around. Her hands slightly shivered in the cold air of November and her nose froze but it couldn’t stop the anxiety pooling up in her stomach. Guilt tore at her and made it nearly impossible to pay attention to the game. The cheers of the crowd drowned her out of her thoughts, that was better than fixating on them constantly.

“Something happen between you and Taemin?”

She looked up to see the tall male peering down at her, a worried expression that dampened his mood of the game. He was there to win, not worry over this. She didn’t need to be the damper on his mood.

“No. Nothing.”

“Then why aren’t you and Taemin sitting together?”

_Shit._

“Nothing happened Minho,” her voice quieter, “and don’t worry. We’re fine.”

Minho looked skeptical but ignored the feeling. He knew something was wrong but smiled and returned back to his game.

“That your girlfriend?”

Minho turned around to see Baekhyun staring back at him. Baekhyun was, by far, the most flexible and athletic out of everyone on the team. Beakhyun was a double major; Musical Theatre and Physical Education. The only reason Baekhyun even took this class is that the soccer team wouldn’t let him on unless he was in the class.

Minho and Beakhyun weren’t friends, but if Minho was hungover from the night before and couldn’t make it to school Baekhyun would have his notes at the ready. Sometimes Minho would walk into class late but just to find out Baekhyun was playing the piano and singing his lungs out (a majority of the time screaming because he was weird.)

“Nah, a friend of mine.”

“You sure? She’s pretty good looking, someone of your type Choi.”

Minho just rolled his eyes and punched Baekhyun’s arm in a playful manner. “She is _not_ my type.”

“So is.”

“Is not!”

“ _Ballerinas_!” a familiar voice yelled. “ _Get your asses on the field now_!”

“He’s in a good mood,” Minho noted, “he hasn’t called us dumbasses yet.”

“And that’s his _signature_. He must be in a really good mood.”

The game ended with them winning and everyone, by default, getting an A in his class. In this class, if they won they got an A if they lost they would have gotten a low grade, not a zero but a relatively low grade.

“I’ll see you at the study group?” Baekhyun asked Minho who was on his way out.

“Yeah, most likely.”

“No beer, alright?”

As much as Minho didn’t want to admit it Baekhyun was his impulse control with beer. Made sure he only got one, or half of one, so he didn’t do anything. Minho didn’t need a study group but this group did both; hung out and studied.

Minho only laughed and left. That’s when he set his destination was set on Taemin. He had to find him, to know what happened, to see the damage. This was why Taemin pushed people away.

He looked in his spots; the creek, his own home, the abandoned shop down the street. Taemin wasn’t there or _anywhere_ he knew. “Taemin,” he wearily called out almost dumbfounded and given up.

That was until he realized something.

Taemin wouldn’t go back there? Would he?

Minho started running, his feet carrying him faster and faster but feeling more weaker as he took a step. His mind racing to all these things that scared him and thought the worst. His chest becoming heavy and his lungs burning.

That was when he stopped to see Taemin sitting on a porch of a dimly lit house. It wasn’t rich by any means, it was nice and could be livable. The tv lighting lit up the bottom right window on the first floor. The porch was broken down and slanted from the wood sinking into the ground.

All he saw Taemin do was sit there and hear the screams coming from inside the home.


	9. IX

She was up to her knees in guilt. It was contradicting; she felt guilty but it didn’t consume her every awakening. She had it planned on how she was going to apologize to him but never got the chance after the game. It had been rocky afterward, she didn’t see him at school or with Minho. It was like he was never thereafter their fight. She was stable and didn’t feel overly emotional after it. That’s what she told herself.

Minho was quieter after the incident, he avoided anything and everything to do with Taemin. She brought it up to him and he completely avoided Taemin as a whole. After that, she stopped asking. Gwen didn’t know where he lived and not much about _him_ really. She looked back at the conversation and heard how insensitive she was. At least she was willing to admit it, but it wouldn’t be a good enough apology for him.

“Was I right?”

That voice.

Her and Key weren’t on good terms since their last meeting. They avoided each other and Onew felt awkward. On a mutual silent agreement, they decided to fake it for Onew’s sake. This was the first time, one on one, talking to each other since then. They threw hidden insults at each other in their conversations. Right now, she could care less if he was right or not.

“Key, please leave me alone.”

“So I am  _right_ ,” a smug smirk on his face and his arms crossed. “Onew didn’t go.”

“ _Shut up_ _Kibum_.” she spat. “I could care less if you were right or not.”

She didn’t know why she was so angry. The anger just poured out of her. Her eyes burning with fiery hatred and her hands shaking. She hated this feeling, she hated feeling anger. It didn’t bring any good for anyone, even the person who was angry. She had no reason to be angry, right?

“But you have to admit I _am_ right?”

“ _Why_ do you have to be such a dick!” she screamed, “And no, you’re not right! He did come!”

Key stumbled backward in disbelief and fear. He held his hands up in defense while backing away.

“Alright,” he quieted down, “I’m sorry. I was being an ass.”

“An _ass_? You have the audacity to _question_ my friendship with Onew and then make a _bet_ whether he will come or not?” she was shaking in anger. “You aren’t just an ass Key. You had _no_ reason to ask that. What has he done to you to—I mean— _why_?”

She could feel the heat go to her nose and her eyes feeling a slight sting. Her voice cracked and all that came out was quiet sobs and indistinct sounds. Tears pooled down her face in streams as she stood there breaking down in front of a man that held no emotion of his own.

At least that’s what she thought.

She felt a pair of arms wrap around her and the slight scent of cologne off the jacket. The hug was warm, tight, comforting. Everything that he wasn’t. Gwen hesitated before hugging him back and gritting her teeth trying to stop the crying.

“Talk to me.”

“I’m sorry. I am _so_ sorry.”

“You haven’t done anything wrong,” Key soothed her.

She shook her head while still holding on. “Yes, it is. It’s _so_ stupid, I shouldn’t be crying. I just feel so much guilt.”

“Guilt over what?”

“Something stupid? Did you not hear me?”

Key, who was now a bit annoyed with that, sighed. “ _No_ , I mean what was so stupid that made you feel guilty?”

She made a deep sigh and sniffled while wiping her eyes. They stung, but she didn’t care. “I stepped over a line, _God_ , I don’t know my boundaries.” she shook her head. “I don’t know how to explain it.”

Key just hugged her and rested his head on hers. He didn’t want to stress her out as she was a mess right now. She looked pitiful and he had never seen her that way. She studied hard and looked on her best, never once crying out being brought down. Now, though, she was brought down to a new low.

“It’s alright,” he whispered, “you don’t need to explain.”

“Thanks.”

 

* * *

 

“Onew can you help me?”

Minho’s panicked voice rang through the phone. He was standing in his own home with a passed out Taemin who was high out of his mind and broken knuckles. It took a while to get him to sleep, especially since he was high, and he needed help.

“New Castle Avenue Apartment forty-eight.”

The call ended and Minho turned on the stove. After Taemin would wake up from a crash he would be craving eggs. He didn’t know why but he knows Taemin is cranky without them. He was worried, he let Taemin get high last night because that’s Taemin. He started acting out, started acting more violent. Next thing he knows he’s physically fighting Taemin.

Minho respected Taemin and Taemin respected him. They never fought or degraded each other and tried their best not to get into spats. This time it was like Taemin didn’t care at all. He said hurtful things and would say things just to hurt Minho. It may have been the weed talking, but it still couldn’t undo what Taemin had said.

Minho had been up the night before and couldn’t sleep afterward, so it was no wonder he couldn’t remember walking to the door and now sitting in front of Onew. His actions were just numb and robotic. He did stuff that was supposed to be done without actually thinking. Maybe it was the alcohol doing it.

“What happened?”

“Taemin, he, I don’t know what the fuck he did. He got high, I let him because it’s him, but he got _really_ violent. He usually isn’t like that.”

“Okay, you need help controlling him?”

“Yeah. I mean, look what he did,” Minho rolled up his sleeves to show blue and purple marks on his skin. “I can’t take him on by myself. At least if there’s two of us we can manage.”

“Jesus,” Onew grazed his hand over Minho’s arm in which he winced slightly. “Sorry,” he took his arms back, “I’ll watch him. Let me get you an ice pack.”

“No, no it’s fine.”

Onew shook his head. “No, it’s not fine. If your bruising gets any worse it may swell which could cause a whole lot of other problems.” Onew opened left the room only to come back with nothing. “Do you have rubbing alcohol?”

“Bathroom cabinet,” Minho rubbed his head.

“I’m guessing you take antidepressants?” Onew called from the bathroom. “And Rozerem?”

“Yeah, I have trouble sleeping and the antidepressants are for Taemin and I. I have to make sure he doesn’t use the pills for anything like getting high. It’s horrible with weed and alcohol but it helps us at least.”

Onew came out with the rubbing alcohol and a couple Ziploc bags in hand. He soon disappeared into the kitchen to hear the water running. He didn’t know what he was doing, but as long it was to keep him occupied it was fine. He needed to watch Taemin so he wouldn’t do something stupid. _Again_.

He now had to agree, he was a bit afraid of Taemin. He didn’t know Taemin was strong, or stronger than Minho. For a guy who didn’t look all that strong, he was quite the opposite. He didn’t have bulky arms or a strong physique. He was normal for the most part, maybe a little lean but not weak.

“Alright,” Onew came back in sitting on the couch next to Minho. “I’m making an ice pack since you didn’t have any. It should heal up your bruises.” he paused for a moment before speaking in a more concerned voice, “He wasn’t in a right state of mind was he?”

Minho shook his head. “No. He wasn’t. I let him because he isn’t usually like this. He has been different for the past week though.”

“Because of the fight?”

Minho looked up confused. “What fight?”

Onew opened his mouth but closed it again. There was no going back now. “Taemin and Gwen got into a fight. Not physical of course! Just a bit of a misunderstanding and crossing of the line.”

“What did she say?” that was all he cared about. He remembered that she was awkward and almost on the verge of crying that day of the game. He didn’t ask why or pressure her. He just left her to her devices. He didn’t think to connect the dots.

“It was really vague. Something about how the day went with Taemin and whether or not he would show up? Something like that.”

Okay, that was definitely crossing a line.

“Did she mean it as a joke?”

“At the time, maybe in between. Half-jokingly half serious. She kept telling me she didn’t mean it—“

“Doesn’t matter,” Minho interrupted him. “She can’t say stuff around Taemin.”

“Is he sensitive?”

Minho shook his head. “No. Do you know why he’s crashed out here instead of at home?”

“He moved out? Most people his age move out or live in the dorms.”

“ _No_ ,” Minho strained. “I’ve kept the kid here for six years and he’s an adult, I can’t stop him from doing drugs or anything.”

“Maybe you could talk to him? Try to convince him?” Minho sighed. “Why try to get him on the right track when I do something just as bad myself? I’d just feel like a hypocrite and he’d call me out on it. I let him stay here because he can’t function on his own. He can try, but he just can’t.”

“Drugs won’t let him?”

“Yes and no. Yes, drugs won’t let him but his family won’t either.”

“Overprotective?”

Minho rubbed his head, memories of the night before rushing back. “Quite the opposite.”


	10. X

*mentions of vomiting, panic attacks, anxiety attacks, depression, self-harm, suicidal thoughts, physical abuse, neglect*

His head ran a million miles an hour pounding like a metal box. The metal ringing through his head and pounding so hard on the box that it would break open but it never would. It felt suffocating, pushing and pulling at the seams like he was some type of doll.

He was tired, he felt sick, he wanted to puke but it never came. He had never learned how to force himself to do that, usually, it was when he was sick and on the verge of doing so that he could force it. He just felt awkward putting his hand down his throat just to vomit. He honestly didn’t know how some others could do it so easily.

His body ached and shivered, he felt like he was five million tons and couldn’t be carried. He couldn’t lift himself up even though nothing was weighing him down. His teeth gritted together and his jaw clenched. That was the only pain directing his away from his throbbing head.

He wanted to say he had never had these before, but, unfortunately, he has.

  


_Oh god please make it stop. Just anyone please make the yelling stop._

_That’s what I always told myself every time I heard my father’s voice. He was quite a scary guy. His voice was like razors; sharp, edge-cutting, uninviting. I should know how razors are, I’ve had them myself. His voice was also like a lion; loud and territorial, like a dark forest with eerie music that would be in a horror movie._

_Sometimes that music never went away even when he was gone. It’s not literal music, that would be silly, but it reminded me a lot of music. You know in action games there would be the battle scene and that battle music plays? Imagine that but with no known monster. I don’t know who was the main monster in my life, either the man who calls himself my father or the kids at school._

_The kids at school were no better. You remember in Sunday School when they would teach you that if a person had been sentenced or done something wrong they would be stoned to death? Yeah. Only this time they don’t throw huge rocks that could kill me. They throw quarter sized ones at me, some at my back, some at my arm. One time it even hit me in my eye and it was infected for a week. At least that was when I was little._

_Now it was verbal, calling me stoner and a lowlife. They said I would turn out like my father, which they didn’t know my father, and that I would be living in the streets. They would kick me, punch me, harass me. Anything to make sure I knew I was a lowlife._

_I already know I am._

_I’m eighteen years old and still living with my parents, but I just can’t find the courage to leave. It’s not I can’t leave them, if I could I would, it’s just that I’m afraid of them finding me. I’m afraid of them going out of their way to find me just to torture me again. I don’t want that to happen, it just can’t!_

_I guess that leads to here, curled up in a fetal position in my room with my hands over my ears._

_My family never went to church but I always went because the majority of the kids at my school went. I had always thought God was there for me. I went to Sunday School every week, studied religiously, prayed, but nothing ever happened._

_Nothing ever fucking does!_

_Instead, I’m stuck in the same monotonous timeframe over and over; getting yelled at, getting beaten, even the kids at the church secluded me from activities because I wasn’t well-dressed._

_I don’t know if I can make it through life like this; getting beaten and going to school. Soon I’ll be graduating, how? I don’t fucking know. I can’t even pay for college so I’ll be stuck here forever._

_If God was really here then he’d fucking save me from the torment. He’d be here to save me or some shit! Not wait for a fucking miracle! I’m tired of waiting!_

_Where’s the bathroom? My vision is flogged from all the weed. Jesus, I need to stop doing weed. The ringing in my ear is louder, so is my dad who is yelling at my mom._

_My mom wasn’t much better. She didn’t do anything except lay on the couch all day watching the static of the tv. We had no tv reception so I didn’t know what was so interesting about it. When my dad would be out, which was rare, I would go down to see her, laying on the couch either sleep or watching it. She would never sit up, never talk, god, I don’t even think  I’ve ever heard her speak or move._

_My dad usually yells at her to do the usual; clean the house, what a whore she is, and what’s so interesting about the damn tv. I think that the last one is the only thing I laugh at when I hear his voice, other times I scurry away or take the beating._

_There it is. I haven’t used this in a month or so, Minho told me not to._

_Oh, Minho, I met him at a party once. He asked why an underage guy was drinking and smoking weed at a party since I was too fucked up to even think I just spilled, and throughout the night quite literally. I told him of my home life, told him of my dad, I told him everything. I don’t know why, but I did._

_The ringing is louder, my mouth is wet from what seems to be vomit, I nearly can’t see what’s in front of me. What I can hear is the door handle jiggling, but the voice is whispered and hushed. I...I can’t think, I can’t speak. I have my head down and random things coming out of my throat; food or acid or something. I feel the blood trickle down my arm and onto the floor and my throat becomes a suffocating feeling. Even though I can’t see I can clearly tell I’m crying, apparently really hard too._

_Soon the jiggling becomes banging and the hushed voice becomes yelling. I...I know that voice, that’s Minho. What’s he doing here? I can’t seem to feel my arms or my legs but I hear the door finally crash open and my head hit the floor._

 

“Taemin? Oh my God, Taemin!”

Minho yells as he’s gently shaking Taemin, scared he’s going to break like a porcelain doll. Taemin is shaking, wincing, and crying.

“Breathe! Taemin!” Minho is yelling, although he felt as if it’s making it worse.

Taemin just seemed unresponsive crying and shaking as if he’s in pain.

“Taemin you’re okay! You’re here,” in a quiet voice Minho spoke to himself, “What the fuck do I do?”

Minho has always dealt with Taemin in these situations, but his triggers were never as bad as _this_.

Because of Minho with his excessive drinking, he has triggers, but it isn’t as frequent as Taemin’s, sometimes not even once every six months. They weren’t as bad as Taemin’s, sure he’s seen the wrath of Taemin’s father but it was only once or twice and never thrice.

Minho found himself pacing the room in a straight line, for once he was sober, with the phone shaking in his hand.

“Again?” Onew asked in a panicked voice. “Is he hurting you this time?”

“No! But he’s having a trigger and he’s twitching and, and crying and I don’t know what to do! This one is really bad!” Minho’s breathing started catching in his throat but started going a million times fast. His heartbeat started running marathons in his chests.

“Listen to my voice,” Onew’s voice rang through the phone, “I’ll come over as soon as possible. You try and calm your breathing. Breathe in for three seconds and breath out. Try them with me.”

“Onew just hang up I’ll do them on the way—“

“Breathe in.”

Just like that Minho tried matching his breathing with three seconds. It was actually harder than he remembered since he was hyperventilating, but Onew was patient.

“Breath out.”

He could hear Onew on the other side shuffling around and gathering his stuff. It was like Onew was a godsend and an angel.

“Just repeat the process every three seconds until I get there, okay?”

“Okay.”

 

When Onew got there he saw Minho pacing around with his eyes closed. Minho’s breathing was very short but controlled and well paced. Onew was happy Minho paid attention to his advice. That’s what he was good for, what’s what he was happy to give.

“Where is he?”

“Back there. He’s in pretty bad shape.”

“Go fix a wet washcloth and a drink of water with ice,” Onew ordered Minho as Onew made his way to Taemin. He was right, Taemin was in pretty bad shape.

“Please, no–no.” he was shaking then would tense up and seem to relax then restart the process again.

Onew was worried about the kids' mental health. He didn’t know he was _this_ bad. Of course, he always stayed away from him, but always because he chose to be avoidant, not because he was forced to.

He sat right beside Taemin hesitantly putting a hand at his wrist. “Taemin?”

“Onew?” the young man started to sit up before Onew put a hand over his chest.

“No, you need to lay down.” Taemin did as he was told.

Minho came back in and Onew put the washcloth on his head and the glass on the bedside table. He was still shaking and wincing and sobbing but not as hard as before. He seemed to calm down like he sensed he was safe and being taken care of since Onew was by his side and Minho was at the foot of the bed.

“I need you to pay attention to my voice. You’re not in a dangerous place. Wherever you were, whatever happened, it’s over now. You’re safe here; with us, with Minho—“

“What about Gwen?”

“Yeah, Gwen too.”

“She’s forgiven me?”

Onew didn’t know anything, and neither did Minho when Onew turned to look at him (in which Minho shrugged at him.) But now wasn’t the time to question what happened. It was either false hope or something to make the kid feel better.

“Yeah. She has.”

Taemin’s body relaxed as he exhaled and put a hand to his washcloth. It had been the first time in an hour since he has moved because the trigger was controlling his body. It tore through him like a demon possessing him. But he didn’t want to think about that. He wanted to think about getting better than the negative things.

 

He didn’t feel like dying now. His migraine washed away like it was a minor inconvenience (even though it was _not_.) His muscles relaxed against the couch and his head laid back against the couch. His trigger had been gone for a while now, and they hadn’t been present like that in a month or two, but it doesn’t mean they won’t come back. Taemin was sitting there thanking whatever god was out there that it stopped.

The triggers were never that bad, usually about ten minutes and poof back to smoking weed, maybe it was because of the relapse a couple of weeks ago. He had some leftover cocaine back before the start of college. He didn’t remember what happened that night until he saw Minho with ice packs on his arms, and when he saw that he knew he fucked up. Weed always calmed him down and made him mellow, but left him in an angry state when he was at school, but cocaine did the opposite.

Cocaine was supposed to be a high feeling of energy, but for him, it just made him angry all the time. The feeling felt good but what it did to others wasn’t a good feeling. So once he saw Minho he broke down in tears apologizing and explained everything. Minho threw out the cocaine the next morning when Taemin was asleep because he knew Taemin wasn’t going to do it, but Taemin didn’t mind. His friendship was more important than a drug that was only for a few minutes.

Taemin thought it was Onew back to check up on them when he opened the door but instead there he found Gwen in a crying mess. Minho was good with these situations; not Taemin. After observing Minho for a long time Taemin brought Gwen to the couch and sat her down.

“What’s wrong?”

She hiccuped a bit before speaking. “I’m sorry. I’m _so_ sorry. I should’ve thought before speaking and I know you get angry easily—“

Taemin laughed putting an arm around her. “Hey, it’s alright. I thought you already forgave me though?”

Gwen looked up at him, confused but quickly washed away. “I—I don’t know. I just feel guilty from the fight. I don’t know whether we’re still friends, and if we’re not you can tell me—“

“I forgive you.”

Gwen looked at him in a surprised manner. The tears were still coming out, there were not many but they’re still there. She swallowed and moved the hair out of her face. He could now see her. She _was_ a mess; swollen eyes, red nose and cheeks, and a shaky breath to finish it off.

“You—you do?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, “I forgive you.”

Almost in an instant, she wrapped her arms around him leaving him immobile and speechless. Minho didn’t teach him this. Should he hug back? Console her? He didn’t know what to do. Minho taught him how to console and do things people _should_ know, but was never taught. Once he made up his mind she had already pulled away.

“Thank you! Thank you so much for giving me peace of mind!”

She let out a breath of relief as she now as a smile on her face. He was glad she had a smile on her face, at least he wasn’t the cause anymore.

Gwen got up to leave before he grabbed her arm, his mouth open and the words coming out, “Hey, Gwen, this is going to come out wrong but, do you want to go and get coffee someday next week?”


	11. Halloween Special

“ _Boo_!”

Usually, Gwen would punch whoever did that but since it was Onew she didn’t punch his face. As much as she wanted to, Gwen refrained from doing so. Onew loves Halloween, and for whatever reason, it followed him into adulthood. He would dress up in costumes or watch scary movies, although because of all of this he wouldn’t go Trick-or-Treating.

* * *

 

Gwen wasn’t the one for fall festivals. Sure she liked Halloween but she wouldn’t go  _all_  out for it. She didn’t get dressed up or act out her favorite scary movie. She never found the appeal or the reason to go out of her way to scare people. She didn’t mind doing it with Onew though. Gwen was never busy this day so she always went with Onew, walking around and saying she was a nerd.

“Hey, Onew.” Gwen couldn’t help but smile when she saw Onew dressed up. Last year he went as Doctor Strange and this year he’s some type of raven guy.

Onew jumped over the couch to sit down next to Gwen. It wasn’t unusual to see people dress up on campus. Thankfully Onew wasn’t the only one dressed up or Gwen would completely disown him. They were inside, but Onew had worn this out in public before, and if no one had worn their costumes and just him she wouldn’t know what to do.

“What’s the plan?” Gwen had asked him.

“Well, I was planning on getting a shit ton of candy and watching Halloween movies. Not scary movies but just in general Halloween movies—”

“I like that plan.”

“ _Aaand_ inviting Key, Minho, and Taemin.”

“But this is  _our_ time—“

“They’re joining us.”

What Onew said was  _law_. He technically was the oldest out of all of them and so he made most of the decisions, what he said went by whether everyone agreed or not.

“Okay…I love you OneyOne,” she sung.

“I love you too Gwenie~”

“Ew.”

Onew and Gwen turn around to see the three musketeers; Key, Minho, and Taemin. Key looked disgusted while he stood there crossing his arms and shifting his weight onto his back leg. Minho leaned against the door frame of the apartment with a bag of Jolly Ranchers in hand. Taemin, on the other hand, looked like a little child holding a big blanket.

“Just come and sit your pale asses down.”

“Excuse me but my ass is  _fine_ ,” Minho snapped.

They all sat down on the couch with Gwen and Onew, the blanket now spread across and Gwen holding the Jolly Ranchers, and Minho had magically found the remote that has gone missing for three days.

“You have back up Jolly Ranchers?” Onew asked before Key answered it by holding up a bag full of Jolly Ranchers. “Oh, yee!”

“Isn’t that a teenager thing?” Key judged harshly.

“Shut up, Key.” Onew backsassed.

“Then shall we watch?”

It was Gwen who asked the question. Usually, they left it up to Onew but on this fateful day, it went silent. No one knew what to watch. So instead they sat on the couch with Jolly Ranchers popped in their mouths and no movie.

“The Nun?” Key offered.

“Nothing scary!” Taemin piped up. When everyone looked to him he shrunk down in his seat. “I don't like scary movies.”

“Oh come on who doesn’t? It’s  _Halloween_ , man,” Key exasperated, “Fine. But we’re watching  _something_ at least Halloween related.

“Halloweentown?” Gwen offered. “I use to watch it all the time where I lived.”

“How many movies?” Key asked.

“Four,” Gwen said.

“What else? After that what else?” Key asked again.

“Goosebumps?” Gwen offered.

“That makes six movies. Should we stop after that?” Key asked thinking.

“ _BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER_!” Minho jumped up. “We’re watching that and if you say no then fuck you!”

“No,” Key deadpanned.

“Fuck you!” Minho said.

“Really? Gwen, Onew, do you have an extra bedroom?” Key asked laughing.

Minho just groaned plopping back onto the couch and cuddling back next to Onew who was an instant cuddle machine. Key was the one to get up and put the movie in since no one had gotten up.

Four and a half movies later Taemin was peacefully sleeping on Gwen’s shoulder and the other four still up bright as daylilies.

“Scary movies now?” Key asked.

“No,” the other three said in unison.

“You’re no fun.” Key got up getting his keys, “I’m going to Subway, anyone want anything?”

After a few judgment in orders and okays Key left. It was quiet for a moment, just the movie playing until Minho tried making rationalized ideas about a fantasy-like movie.

“So, wait, how the  _fuck_  can this guy still have his creatures into adulthood? Wouldn’t they go away after adulthood like  _a normal fucking fantasy movie?_ ”

“Well, they were fabricated from his mind,” Gwen started, “it’s not like he could just bippity boppity boo them out of existence.”

“I’ma bippity boppity boo you if you don’t agree with me,” Minho snapped.

“Y’all this is a kids movie.  _Shut the fuck up_ ,” Taemin spoke awaking from his sleep. “I just want some peaceful sleep since I can’t get any with  _you two talking_.”

“And are you physically stronger than I am?” Minho asked Taemin.

“No.”

“Then you’re invalid.”

“No fighting,” Gwen spoke up, “it’s Halloween, you guys have Christmas to brawl.”

“What?” Taemin and Minho asked in unison.

“There’s usually a brawl every Christmas at her mom’s house,” Onew explained, “either by the  Christian uncles, the dramatic aunt, the gay cousins, or the apathetic grandpa there’s always one brawl. Usually, a story comes from it.”

“Yeah, one-time Apathetic Grandpa fought Drama Queen Auntie because she wouldn’t pass the cashews,” Gwen nodded.

“Honestly Apathetic Grandpa is me,” Taemin said.

“I know, he’s everyone’s mood.”

“Okay, silence from everyone, I wanna watch the movies and pop a shit ton of candy in my mouth and no one is going to stop me,” Onew stated.

“You’re insane honestly,” Gwen shook her head. “Alright.”

And there they sat through three more movies until it was over. That’s when Minho got up to leave to get something, whatever it was they didn't want to know about. After five minutes he came back out, a bag in hand.

“This, here, is the full collection of Buffy,” Minho said as he held the bag up, “and we’re gonna watch it.”

“Let’s wait for Key to get back. These Jolly Ranchers aren’t as good as meat, plus we don’t want to strain our eyes,” Gwen suggested.

“Fine, we’ll wait, but if he doesn’t come back in thirty minutes we’re moving on,” Minho stated.

“ _I’m back bitches_ ,” and there they see a wet soaking Key holding up dry sacks of Subway’s and one shoe missing. “I wasted nearly thirty to forty dollars on you guys  _then the audacity of some people_. This is why I hate people.“

“Mood,” Taemin mumbles half-asleep like from the couch.

“What the hell happened?” Gwen asked getting a towel for Key and getting the sacks full of food in the other. “Did you decide to go for a swim?”

“ _No_ ,” he growled at her, “this guy—“ Key huffed trudging over to the couch. “Better. Okay, this guy decided he was going to rob me, right? I almost sucker punched him until I realized he was running at the speed of light. Like this guy was a  _cheetah_ in full form. I go running after him and finally catch up to him and tackle him and before I notice that we’re falling down a cliff side I hear him yelling that we’re going to die.

“Okay, so, we’re at this cliff, right, and the Subway sacks are all at the top. This dude decides to apologize and say I won’t send him to prison but I sure as hell am, and did. So, then after we begin to fight and shit and this guy is surprisingly strong. We end up falling, again. We reach the water and it’s freezing ass cold. I swim to shore and  _thank god_  I took those swimming classes when I was younger or else I would have ended up like the other guy—“

“Is he dead?” Onew gasped. “ _You left someone for dead_!?”

“Serves him for stealing the food! Anyway. I climb back up this cliff and my hands are aching and I’m about to give the fuck up before I see the Subway sacks and I start high tailing it. Anyway. That’s where I am today.”

“You’re fucking insane,” Minho gaped at him. “Teach me your ways Obi-Wan Kenobi.”

“No,” Key deadpanned, “now play Buffy.”

It didn’t take long for Taemin to go back to sleep and Minho to slowly pass out. Key was groggily watching Buffy while Onew and Gwen were still watching the tv.

“I could get used to this,” Gwen smiled looking at Onew.

They hadn’t had many friends, and Key never visited them on Halloween, so it was always those two alone. It was nice, peaceful, to be surrounded by friends and not alone on Halloween. They had each other but they always felt empty and now they didn’t.

They knew how lucky they were to have these three by their side.


	12. Halloween Special; Bonus Scene

After tonight I am _never_ going out at night again.

When I left the dorms I knew this night was going to be a ride. Usually, on Halloween night, it’s a ruckus; some robberies, some thugs, just the usual that would be around on Halloween. People liked to think it was a ‘Get-Out-Of-Jail Free Card’ day. Cops wouldn’t know who they are because of the masks and they get away scot free. That’s why I was glad to have had pepper spray on hand.

The Subway place wasn’t too far from here, yeah it did have a bit of walking distance but not too long so that it would be horrendous. I hated going out at night alone and that was why I went with Minho and Taemin on the way here. They lived relatively close to the dorms and I was walking home from the convenience store so I thought it would be nice to walk with them. So why did I want out so bad?

Well, my eyes were starting to get strained from continuous movie time and I didn’t want to be rude to just walk out. I may be a dick but I know when to be nice, so I went to get food. The constant eating of Jolly Ranchers was making my palate burn and irritated, and I knew it was burning theirs too. I thought it would be nice to get out and get fresh air anyway since I don’t travel out from my dorms very often.

Traveling at night was so much scarier than in the morning. I am used to going to the convenience store of an early morning in case if I need something but I never went out at night. I knew of the horror stories they have online and on Reddit, may be true or not, I don’t know, but I do know I tend to get paranoid and don’t judge me for reading stuff on Reddit, it gets addicting.

Honestly, when I went out I didn’t think I was going to get mugged or anything. Yes, yes, I know, I just said that people like to use this day as a get out of jail free card but I thought I looked like a twink and people would think I wasn’t worth anything. All I had on me was enough money for all five of us and maybe a few chocolate chip cookies.

So I ordered; for myself, a six inch Parmesan oregano with tuna, red onions, and pepper-jack cheese;

for Onew, a twelve-inch Italian Club Sandwich; for Gwen, a twelve-inch Nine-Grain wheat with chicken teriyaki, pepperoni, American cheese, green peppers, cucumbers, and tomatoes;

for Minho, a six-inch Italian with ham and turkey, provolone cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, and black olives;

and lastly Taemin, a twelve-inch Italian herbs and cheese meatball Sub.

Now you see why I judged them and why I was judged by the people over the counter.

So when I left with these five sacks of Subway I was walking home passing every streetlamp and apartment building that was dark. I thought it was going to be a nice walk home. I hadn’t had gotten mugged or been asked drugs yet so I thought I was one of the lucky ones.

Boy was I wrong.

I was about halfway up the block when I hear a rustle behind me. Instead of stopping to look behind me I keep walking because hell knows I’m not sticking around here to get mugged or some shit. So I keep walking, now at a faster pace since I’m a little scared. Since it was night and I had generalized anxiety in the first place it just jumped up. I tend to get paranoid easily so I go into a speed walk.

That’s when I noticed someone run past me grabbing the sacks in the process and booking it down the street. At first, the initial shock hadn’t set in, and I knew this was a mugging, but I couldn’t help but stand there. Did I really get mugged? I check my hands to really see and I notice the bags are, in fact, not there anymore.

Oh hell no, this boy was not getting _my_ food and I sure as hell was not coming back home empty handed.

I start booking it down the street as well, and, unfortunately, this guy had a head-start. I guesstimated he had a few paces more than I would if he was really fast, so I start running faster so I can catch up. When I do catch up I find myself falling behind more and more, and I do know I am going the same pace and even pushing myself to go faster, but this man is a damn _cheetah_.

He ran through the forest and I followed after. The leaves crunching beneath my feet just keep getting louder and louder getting to my head. My breath becomes ragged and my chest heaves as it burns. My legs hurt from running a far distance and the limbs cutting my legs. I know I’m tired, but I wasn’t going to let this guy either eat all of out food or waste it because we have some weird ass orders.

I finally catch up, by some grace of God, and tackle him. I notice we’re rolling for a far distance, he’s holding onto me and I’m holding onto him. My anxiety rises but I keep calm because that’s how I was raised. I knew to act calmly in bad situations because what could be accomplished just from panicking? I feel a sense of danger dawn upon me but as my vision is blinded from everything I don’t know what danger it is.

I feel pain in my side when I finally sit up. I groan, holding my head, and I blink a few times to gain my surroundings. I start to ground myself. What do I taste? Blood, I think, something metallic in my mouth which is most likely blood. What do I smell? Forestry? Nature? I smell the earth, leaves, especially the dew of the rain in the past few hours. What do I hear? Water? No, not water but a waterfall. What do I feel? I feel of the ground around me and I feel rocks, a bumpy hard surface. One thing I see?

I finally realize I’m sitting on top of a ledge that leads into a raging river just below us. We’re halfway down a cliff.

I take my hand down and I notice a bit of blood on it. That’ll heal, right? I don’t want to go to the hospital, my bills are already up as it is. That’s what it pays for being a college student, bills and student debt I cannot pay back in my lifetime. At least if I die, I die knowing I bought the food that costed my life.

“Please don’t arrest me.”

I look to my side to see a skinnier male, about late teens, and messy brown tousled hair. I didn’t care if this guy’s mother had died giving birth or the guy’s father was a deadbeat; no one steals my food.

“Like hell I won’t,” I spat, a few blood droplets going on the rock’s surface.

“Please man,” he starts to plead, “I don’t have a lot of money—”

“Then _starve_ ,” I growl. I turn my asshole mode back on.

“You’re an ass, you know that!” he yells.

“Yes, I do,” I state, “and here’s for stealing my Subway!”

I sucker punch this guy in the jaw as hard as I can. I honestly don’t care at this point, as long as he’s suffering and I’m not it’s fine. My hand hurts from the punch, but then I’m the one being tackled on the cliffside. This guy starts punching my face, which hurts but that couldn’t beat the internal pain. I dodge his attacks since they go in a pattern; left, right, left, right. I finally had enough so I threw him off the side of the cliff. Unfortunately, he drug me with him.

I find myself falling off this cliff and thinking of my last moments. I start to regret everything I had done, ever said, ever thought, the things that I wish I had done. Was this my end? Was I going to end up a body going down a river? Would they ever even find me? My thoughts weave into one another, going deeper and deeper into a void I soon regret.

I find myself shaking as I land in the water, thinking I’m dead. When I come to I realize I am in fact not dead and being dragged by the water I fight against the current as I swim back to the shore. My swimming classes never taught me what to do if you were in a life-threatening situation where you’re about to die.

My side is killing me, but I can’t stay down here forever, so I start climbing up. I hated rock climbing, and I was terrified of falling, but I know if I need to survive my only way is up. One rock after another and one skinned and bleeding hand after another I make my way up. I can feel the scratches on my face, legs, arms, and hands as I’m climbing. My hands start to feel weak, and my legs are beyond giving up, but once I see a Subway sack at the end of the cliff and I’m knowing almost there I keep going.

I finally make it back up, gripping the soil and hauling myself over the cliffside. I lay there for a second, looking at the sacks that nearly cost me my life, and sigh. My anxiety is going through the roof, and so I do breathing exercise to calm myself down. Four seconds inhaling, five seconds holding, and six seconds exhaling.

Once my breathing gets to a natural and slow pace, I grab the sacks and pick myself up. I trudge through the forest not giving a damn about anything. I just want to get back to the dorms and fall my ass to sleep. I’m hungry, I’m tired, I feel like shit, and all I could care less about is if I die in the next second. Yeah, sure, I just risked my life for these Subway sacks but I want to die. Well, not die and be dead forever, I mean sleep forever and not feel like I need to sleep in a few hours.

The people inside look at me weirdly. They look like they just saw the devil walk through the door wearing a pink tuxedo and saying he was the Gay Queen. Quite honestly I’d go with him. I do understand why they are looking though; a wet sopping male with _five_ Subway sacks with the look of murder written across his face walks into your dormitory and you don’t ask questions? I’d be looking _you_ weirdly if you didn’t judge me.

But I make it to the dorm rooms, with my hand on the doorknob. I almost feel like taking all of these sacks and eating them myself, or knock and leave it on the doorknob. Instead, I open the door, nearly slamming it against the wall as I do.

And when I get inside I say these three words;

 _“’I'm back bitches_.”


	13. XI

“It’s that Panini shop down the street, right?”

Gwen and Taemin walked down the street to said Panini shop. For the first time, Taemin looked decent; his hair was somewhat slicked back, he wore a long-sleeved t-shirt (no hoodie!), with light blue faded jeans, and some nice looking converse shoes. He seemed more confident than he ever has and she loved that. He seemed to be closed and never venturing out like he was stuck in some type of box.

“What do you want?”

The shop smelled of sandwiches and sweet smells of pastries. When she stepped in she was met with fall; red and orange leaves falling from the sky and pumpkins. At least that’s what it reminded her of. She couldn’t help but acquaint it with fall. It wasn’t her favorite season, but it made her feel a sense of home, a sense of belonging.

“How are you?”

Gwen had noticed Taemin was staring it the window only to stir his coffee and not drink it. He seemed to be distracted lately, paying attention but then again not. She always wondered what was on his mind, taking him away from the world.

“Fine, I guess. What about you?”

She took a big swallow. To be frank she hadn’t been well since they made up. She still had uncertain anxieties and self-consciousness creeping more and more around the corner. She watched every move she was doing and made sure she didn’t screw anything up.

“Good,” it may have been a lie but at least Taemin didn’t know.

A certain pit in her stomach told knotted up and squeezed together. It felt almost suffocating and crushing. Her chest felt like it had a ton of weights on it and that her muscles were contracting and pulling. A part of her braid asked her the what if’s and told her the worst case scenarios. It told her the cold harsh truths and fearful side of it all.

Maybe it was just her mind. Maybe something was just messed up in her mind for the moment.

Taemin smiled and nodded. “That’s good.”

Gwen was glad she was able to go out with Taemin. She wanted to spend more time with him. She wanted to see him smile and have fun, so when she saw that smile in his face when they were talking she couldn’t help but feel a certain emotion.

Right now they were talking about their day while Taemin chomped down on a Brownie Daydream (mostly brownie with chocolate cake and whipped cream) and Gwen eating a Strawberry Heaven (Strawberries with ice cream, chocolate, and bananas.) Gwen liked this, she liked spending time with Taemin, she hoped to do this more often.

“Did you know,” she had to wait a moment before thinking. She could see Taemin’s eyes light up when she started, did he like her saying her random fact of the day? “That dark roast coffees are not actually that caffeinated? Since most of the caffeine burns off when they’re processing it the coffee isn’t as caffeinated. The lighter the coffee the higher the caffeine.”

“No wonder I’m tired after I drink coffee.”

Once they were done and had left the panini shop Gwen started heading towards the mall which Taemin looked vehemently against.

“No.”

Gwen laughed. “Why not?”

“I don’t like crowds.”

“No one is paying attention, and I’ll do most of the talking. Okay?”

Taemin sighed shoving his hands into his pockets and dropping his shoulders. His head drooped and his lips pouting. “Alright.”

Gwen made her way into the packed mall with Taemin following close behind her. She could feel Taemin’s chest on her back as she walked to the shop. She tried finding a shop that wasn’t too packed because she could feel Taemin tensing up every moment. She even bought whether or not this was a good idea but it was too late now to back out now.

She finally found a quaint little shop that had very little people in it. Gwen looked to see Taemin’s shoulders loosen and let out a sigh of relief. “Who exactly are we shopping for?”

“You.”

His eyes widen and he stops in his tracks. “Me?”

“Yeah, I don’t want anything and I thought it would be nice to buy you something.”

Taemin opened his mouth to say something, he looked flabbergasted and stunned, but he said nothing and stood there. He could only stand there astonished and frozen like a statue until Gwen could move him.

“Come on or we’ll be here all day!”

He almost pulled away when she grabbed him pulling him into the men’s section. He didn’t pull away for some reason, he didn’t know why but he didn’t.

When they went into the men’s section she saw many different styles; polo’s, plaids, plain, bands, and jean t-shirts. She never saw him without his hoodie, and the shirts he wore seem to be a sweater type shirt in the chilly weather, so nothing helped much.

When she turned around to ask him he was already at a plaid t-shirt stack. She knew what to buy him for a Christmas.

“You like plaid shirts?”

He shrugged. “Yeah, for the most part. I don’t go shopping much and I don’t like the plain t-shirts here.”

“We could shop somewhere—“

“It wouldn’t matter anyway because all the shopping centre’s are the same in a way. My parents couldn’t afford to go out much anyway, not like they wanted to spend any time around each other.”

That’s when Grace knew to keep her mouth shut. When Onew’s mom and dad were going through a rough divorce she knew never to ask, she could see the look in his eyes every time he’d come to school fresh from hearing a fight.

She could see the pain in Taemin’s eyes but his pain was nothing like Onew’s. Taemin looked darker, colder, emotionless. Taemin looked like he was wrapped in chains that were keeping his broken shells together. You couldn’t see past the cracks, and if you did he’d close right back.

It was almost a blur when Taemin came back out wearing a dark green short-sleeved plaid shirt and asked how it looked. To be frank, she couldn’t take her eyes off of him. It wasn’t because he was handsome or built, but because he looked underweight and skinny. It reminded her of a time in high school with Key.

“You look fine. It’s a shirt I could see you wearing every day.”

Taemin looked down at the shirt for a short amount a time, pulling on it and tugging it a little to see the design. “Really? I haven’t really had much. Hoodies are usually what I wear.”

“Yeah! The shirt is fine.”

When he turned around she wanted to call out for him, ask why he looked so skinny and too paper thin, but she didn’t want the events of the soccer game to occur. She had not only gotten on his good side again. Now only redeemed herself after she spoke before thinking.

It was better for her to leave it alone.

Taemin walked back out again wearing a navy-blue plaid shirt. It was long sleeved this time, maybe more for the fall or winter, but maybe more for every day? Druggies did have a habit of feeling cold, or so she heard.

“Blue suits you for sure.”

Taemin smiled shyly. “Thank you. I have one more shirt and then we’re done.”

“We can shop more if you like—“

Taemin shook his head. “Nah, the shirts are it.”

Taemin left as quickly as he came, albeit this time was different. He was brighter, happier, and much more open. It wasn’t all of him of course, but it was still the real Taemin as far as Gwen could see.

This time he was wearing a red three quarters length shirt that folded up at the end of the sleeves. He seemed to be comfortable in his own skin, especially the white faded ones on his arms.

She didn’t notice them in the first one because she was mostly concerned about his weight, but now she focused on his arms. They seemed to be sprinkled with little white faded marks on his skin. She never saw any on Onew’s skin but many on Key’s, some on his stomach, and some on his arms, but she never understood why, but she knew _never_ to ask.

“You look wonderful in the shirt.”

His smile only got brighter when he left. She could only worry about him. Is _this_ what he hid under all the smoke and hoodies? Did he have no one other than Minho and if people saw him in his raw form they would push him away?

When they paid for the clothes they walked onto the street which was busy so she spoke low and quiet but loud enough for him to hear.

“Would you like to do this every week? It’s fine if you can’t! I just wanted to ask.”

Taemin looked at her with a strange look and then looked into the busy street. “Yeah, I wouldn’t mind,” he rubbed the back of his neck, “but would you do it at a less busy time? If you wouldn’t mind?”

She nodded. “Yeah, totally, I wouldn’t mind.”

Gwen went on her way to go before she felt someone lightly grab her wrist. She turned around knowing who it was not bothered o guess.

“Thank you.”

Before she knew it, she was brought into a hug. It was soft, warm, like a soft warm blanket. When she huddled back it was like snuggling into a soft warm blanket on a fall day, the leaves outside falling towards the ground, and the light smell of coffee grounds in his scent.

“No,” she mumbled into his chest, “thank _you_.”


	14. XII

The night sky had approached by the time she met Taemin by the park. She knew it was Black Friday today and thought of instead of going out at day that they would go out at night. Gwen saw how uncomfortable Taemin was the last time they met. He was closed off, in his own little world. Yes, of course, he spoke and he was friendly, but he seemed to have a constant anxiety of being around people he didn’t know.

So she was there to help him.

As he walked towards her, wearing the new blue plaid shirt she had bought him, he had a bright smile on his face and little to no yellow teeth. She had done some research on drug addicts and saw they had yellow teeth, which was very prominent in the start of their friendship, now though he seemed to have little of any yellow left.

He seemed brighter, much happier now, more than ever. Gwen doesn’t think she could ever remember a time where he was shining bright and happy. He looked ethereal and surreal. She couldn’t believe the progress he had made with her. Was it her? Or was it because now that Minho and Taemin were not alone?

“You remembered,” he spoke, “you remembered I didn’t like big crowded places.”

“Yeah,” she nodded shyly, “when I looked at the calendar to see that we were meeting up today I was worried that it would almost be like last time. Not that last time wasn’t bad it’s just that you had told me that you weren’t comfortable around crowded places, so I took it upon myself to change the date.”

“So,” Taemin looked around the street, which was near empty and nighttime, “where off too?”

“Do you wanna shop or eat? Do both or neither?” she asked Taemin, looking up at him slightly.

“What about we walk around first,” he asked her, “enjoy the fresh air.”

They headed away from the nightlife. The light showing the emptiness of the streets; very little filled the streets and the illuminance of the signs of nearby shops as their only light. The silence between the two was deafening but broken by the crickets of the late night. The cold November wind blowing slightly against Gwen’s hair and Taemin’s hair going with the wind. They walked in silence on the sidewalk finally reaching the bridge clearance. The bridge went over a small creek that was beautiful in the summer as it was in the winter.

“How’s was your week?”

Taemin sighed, “Fine,” he took a pause before asking another question, “what about you?”

“My week was fine. I had a big exam in my linguistics class, a little bit hard but then again it wasn’t. I’ve been studying Spanish ever since I was fifteen, so a little over ten years now.”

“Wow,” Taemin enthusiastically said, “ten years?”

“Yeah, my school offered Spanish as a foreign language class. I could have done it for eleven years but I didn’t want to go through the hassle of keeping up an average A in my English class and Spanish, so I decided to take it when I was a sophomore. I took that for three years and finally majored in linguistics at a small college for my basic classes, like math and English, then here at a university.”

“Why linguistics?”

That was something she had never considered. She always had enjoyed languages and specifically an easier accessible language such as Spanish. Since her major here was Linguistics and her minor was Anthropology her job was Linguistics Anthropology. She knew what she wanted to do once she got out of school, just know more about languages. She loves languages, the way it flowed when someone spoke. Languages were beautiful, like flowers. Flowers had their own language which was just as beautiful as themselves. Languages had their own history and people just as beautiful as the language itself.

Maybe that was why she picked it; because she could look past the exterior.

She shrugged, “I dunno, it called to me I guess. What about you?”

They had stopped walking, Taemin pondering his next response. Was he going to answer her? No one knew what he did for a major, and he seemed to be here just for his basics and nothing else. He looked alone all the time and carried a heavy backpack with him everywhere he went. No one knew what was inside of it; if it was his core class books or if they were for his class. It was unknown and no one had bothered to ask.

“Musical and Film major.”

“Music-music and film?”

To say the least; she was surprised to hear he had done anything with music or film. He looked as if he didn’t want to be in the limelight and always strayed away from large crowds. That department is the largest on the campus, and for him to go into it seems unlikely but here he is telling her what major he is. No one would have guessed for the stoner guy to be in dance, they would think of him as a pansy or someone weak.

“Yeah, I dance. I’ve always loved dancing ever since I was a kid, and would dance in my church’s musicals. I also played the piano some but I’ve lost the practice since I haven’t gone to church in a while.”

“You’re religious?”

“Were. I was Catholic but I don’t go to church anymore. I haven’t in a long time and I have no intent on going back.”

His anger grew at every word he spat out. His jaw clenched and his eyes grew dark. The only time she had ever seen him like this was when their fight ensued a few weeks ago, and if she knew better she knew never to make him mad.

Gwen backed up in defense and held her hands up. “Look, man, I wasn’t going to make you go back. I’m just surprised you were a Christian.”

Taemin hummed. “I can assume why. I’m a stoner, a lowlife. Why would a church accept me?”

Gwen started to hold her hand out to him but decided against it. “You’re not a lowlife.”

He looked at her, sorrow and pain in his eyes. “Why not? I survive on drugs for a living and no one wants me; not even my own family.”

“Minho accepts you,” she spoke avoiding his eye contact, “I accept you.”

He sighed, full of doubt, and continued walking. She knew he didn’t believe her, but she believed what she said with every living fiber of her body. She wanted to help him become a better person, so, that’s what she did.

“You live with Minho right?’

Taemin looked at her. "I crash there, but no, I still live with my parents.”

Boy was that sad to say. “Okay, look, what about we move you into Minho’s home?”

His eyes widened as he shook his head. “No, no! I can’t do that to Minho! He already takes care of me as it is!”

“Okay, okay. What about getting you a job?”

He perked up at the idea of it. “Where though?”

“Music shop? I know one around the corner. Open twenty-four hours a day and I think the pay is good.”

She started walking down the street with her bag in hand until she started to notice that Taemin had not started walking. She looked around to see him still standing there, frozen in shock. “Come on!” she had excitedly said before dragging him along.

“Why are you doing this? Being so kind, so thoughtful, so,” he paused and never finished his sentence.

She shrugged, “Because, I want to help you.”

He shook his head. “You have to have some ulterior motive.”

“I don’t. Can that be enough for you to trust me? See this out until the end and if I do have an ulterior motive then please, turn away.”

She knew the answer, she didn’t have a motive, all she wanted to do was help him. Taemin was in dire need of help, especially landing on his feet, so if she had to take the extra mile from hell and back to help him she would. She couldn’t stand seeing people like this. It just reminded her of the pain and sorrow of Key and Onew, when they were in the same rut with no hope and full of despair.

“Come on, I’ll help you land the job.”

As they walked she could hear him mumbling under his breath about how Gwen may be lying and his distrust in her. She wanted him to believe her, but it would take convincing. If her assumptions were right then it would take a long time, and not a short amount of time to help Taemin. Having parents who don’t care about you, turning to drugs as the only source of comfort you have, and self-esteem issues. Of course, she had helped Onew with his parent’s divorce and Key with his self-esteem issues but nothing as serious as this. She just hoped she could save him before time was out.

The shop was small but attracted a lot of attraction. The bright red neon lights with the words; Bambi Wammi’s. Why? Well, the owner was drunk one night and named it that and it has been like that ever since. But the only thing that makes sense is that the owner’s name is Bambi.

“This store? Who the-who the fuck name’s their store Bambi Wammi’s?”

“Bambi Johnson.”

Taemin shook his head in disbelief. “Alright, I’ll try it.”

They walk in to see a middle-aged woman with dark brown hair putting books on a shelf. “Ah, Gwen, it’s nice to see you. Who is this?”

“Taemin! Uh,” she cleared her throat, “do you have any positions open?”

“Always, why? You want a job?”

Gwen shook her head laughing lightly. “No, but my friend would like one.”

The women got down from the ladder and walked over to Taemin, eyeing him up and down. “What’s your full name sweetheart?”

Taemin looked at Gwen with wide eyes and fear. “Ah, uh, Lee Taemin.”

Bambi nodded. “Ah, I knew them when they were younger.” she put her hands together, reminiscing some event “Yes, you can work here.”

“Really?” Taemin’s face dropped from fear to shock again. “Why would you hire me?”

“Because,” she looked up at him wanting to say something else, “anyone a friend of Gwen’s is a friend of mine.”


	15. A Very Late Christmas Special

“Hello everyone!”

Gwen entered her home smelling the gingerbread cookies and the sweet smell of strawberry cake. The house felt warm and inviting like she was being hugged by her mother. Her mother was there, but she was in the kitchen cooking while her sister sat on the couch all pompous and whatnot.

As you could tell that was Dramatic Aunt.

Gwen didn't mind Dramatic Aunt, she got at least five hundred dollars from her every year since the woman was rich. She'd just pass around her money like it was another piece of paper, because of this Gwen saved up and got into college. Now she saves up so she can pay off her student loans hoping she doesn't go into debt. She just hoped that none of her friends would go into debt.

"Oh sweetheart," Dramatic Aunt stood up, "it's nice to see you. I was getting disgusted at that dreadful looking thing in the corner."

"Auntie that's grandpa."

"Oh, my bad."

"You want to fight me you hag?" he growled eating a bowl of cashews.

"Well then fight me you, boney man!" Dramatic Aunt stood her ground.

The games have begun.

"Woah, woah, woah," Onew stood in between Dramatic Aunt and Apathetic Grandpa. "No starting brawls this early. Please don't fight you may hurt him!"

"That man can handle himself," Dramatic Aunt huffed crossing her arms, "plus, busboy, you couldn't handle being in the middle with I catfight my father."

"My name is Onew."

"Whatever, just serve me some food." she waved him off now sitting down.

Onew sighed but complied with what she said leaving into the kitchen. Minho and Taemin looked at each other wondering if they would survive this day or the next minute. Danger lurked around any corner wondering if there would be a fight or if they would die. Key looked like he was about to square up and fight every person in the room. He looked like a hyperactive puppy, jumping around every so often and looking at everyone.

"Please don't fight, Key."

"Howdy y'all!" men with country boots and red plaid shirts walked in. "It's nice to be here again seeing all your wonderful faces. I see we have some new visitors?"

The first man steps forward to the group wearing an orange plaid shirt and dark blue faded jeans. He had a thick country accent and a light stubble to his chin. His boots clicked against the wood floor and he had put his hands on his hips standing proudly.

“I’m Hank, Gwen’s uncle.”

“ _One_ of!” Another man, one who looked burlier and dressed similarly as the first, slapped Hank’s back. “Gwen has a lot of uncles, mostly because some of us are in-laws or married to her.”

Minho and Taemin gave each other an awkward look before smiling. “How many times has she been married?”

“Six times.”

Taemin’s smile faded to horror and Minho’s eyes widened. This woman had been married six times? She must not have cold feet then. Minho and Taemin only looked at each other and walked into the kitchen. Key only stood there baffled at the situation but stood with Gwen folding his arms.

"Just wait until the gay cousins come in," Gwen whispered to Key in which he laughed in response.

"Oh my god we need more gay in this household," a man walked in, looking less formally dressed than the others. "Hiya Key!"

"Derek!" Gwen went to hug him but Key pushed her out of the way hugging Derek instead. "What the hell, Key?"

"Do not use such foul language," Hank warned.

"Like you don't use it," Derek spat, "anyway, how are you guys?"

Gwen shrugged as Key pulled away. "Fine for the most part. College kicks our ass though."

Hank rose to spoke but another man stared him down. "Dad, no."

"Dad yes," Hank rose again to confront Derek. "Why don't you-"

"You even finish that sentence and you're a dead man," Derek growled.

"Is there already a fight? Oh my!" Dramatic Aunt walked in with a squeal.

"Not anymore," Derek narrowed his eyes at Hank and walked away.

"And welcome all to the Vaughn Christmas," Gwen exasperated. "Now who's up to fight next?"

" _Food_!" Gwen could hear her mother yell. “And I made my famous peach cobbler!”

“Fuck yeah,” Gwen could hear Taemin mutter under his breath. “Peach cobbler is the best man.”

“I know,” Gwen smiled thinking back to all the previous Christmas dinners. “My mom makes it almost every Christmas.”

“She doesn’t make it often?” Taemin asked.

“She didn’t make it one year, but other than that she makes it every year,” Gwen hummed.

Taemin looked at her, she seemed to be remembering and having flashbacks. She seemed sullen but happy nonetheless. He didn’t want to ruin it, he didn’t want that smile to fade so he didn’t ask.

“Alright, Dad say the blessing,” Gwen’s mother told him.

The blessing was like any other generic blessing; how they’re thankful to be there, thanking God, and that they all get to be together. It was short and sweet to the point blessing.

That’s when everyone went nuts for food. Gwen had drug her friends to the back making sure they didn’t get trampled from the oncoming hoard of relatives. “Sorry about them. They get crazy for food, but don’t fret, they won’t eat all of i-”

“ _Save some green beans you raggedy ass_!”

“ _How dare you insult my ass!_ ”

Was that, Derek and Dramatic Auntie?

“Uh oh,” Gwen hid behind them, “we’re dead.”

“Why? Didn’t you say they fought every Christmas?” Minho asked.

“Yeah, but it’s usually Pa and not Derek! Derek is going to _destroy_ Auntie. And he’s gay, all the gays know the best insults.”

“It’s true,” Onew nodded, “he called me a soggy Cheeto one time when I had my hair dyed orange.”

“And he called me a broomstick because my hair was brown and I was thin,” Key noted.

“Is your cousin a dick or just petty all the time?” Taemin asked.

“Both,” Gwen, Key, and Onew answered in unison.

“ _Not the cashews_!” she could hear her Grandpa wail.

“Can everyone calm down?” her mother asked nicely hoping it would do the trick.

It never did though.

Soon enough every did duck and cover while Derek and Dramatic Auntie fought. Gwen had thankfully gotten the gang’s food for them so that they could watch this like a movie.

“You took away my boyfriend!” Derek yelled, “You’re the reason I’m alone!”

“It’s not my fault he was bisexual, plus he called me a better fuck than _you_!”

“Things are gettin’ good,” Key giggled while snacking on some peanuts.

 

Well, things went relatively normal after the fight. Dramatic Aunt and Derek sat at the farthest ends of the room and everyone was eating. Apathetic Grandpa was ranting about something of there not being many cashews and other stuff. Gwen mostly ignored him while talking to her own group.

Most had gone into the living room to open presents now while some were cleaning up the Christmas food.

“Alright, youngest first,” Gwen’s mother announced, “Derek that’s you.”

“Aw man,” he whined, “why I gotta be the youngest?”

“Why should you sin?” his father, Hank, commented.

Derek scowled grabbing every present that was his and settling down. “Alright, lemme see.”

The first present was wrapped with snowmen on it and a little sticker that said: "From your favorite Aunt". Derek laughed sarcastically. "Please tell me you're kidding me. This goes in the fire."

"You ungrateful brat," she spat, "don't you know when to forgive and forget?"

"I was seventeen! My first love and he goes and gets with you!" he exclaimed, "God. I regret getting him those vibrators."

"What," the uncles said, Derek's father pressing his lips into a thin line. "Have I failed him or something?"

"Nope," Derek shook his head, "it's just our humour. Nothing you did wrong."

Were Derek and his father getting along for once? They always fought every moment they had with each other, and that was the reason Derek moved out once he turned eighteen. Broke his father's heart but let him go.

He unwrapped his present which held the thing he always wanted. Socks.

"Oh shit, you're forgiven Auntie!" he held the socks in his hands. "Thermal fucking socks! I have wanted these fuckers for a long time, man!"

"Aw," she put a hand to her heart. "That warms my cold heart, Derek."

"We all know you have no heart," he retaliated.

She shrugged, "I know."

"Gwen!" her mother called out. "Here, special one from me," she handed a tiny box to Gwen. "I think you'll like it."

Gwen remembered not really asking for anything this year as she had nothing, maybe books that were in Spanish or other Spanish stuff but not something out of the ordinary. She looked down at it and opened the box. "Oh my," she felt a loss for words.

It was her father's watch. She couldn't remember much of her father as he left her at a young age. She remembered the kindness he gave her and how much love he was able to give to her as a father. He taught her what men are and how men act. The only way she could ever visit him is in the cemetery near their house.

"Dad," she shook her head, "I thought we got rid of things that were his."

Her mother shook her head. "No, that's what I made you believe so you wouldn't go poking around the attic."

Gwen ducked her head and headed to the door while little sniffles can be heard along the way. Taemin quietly got up to follow her, opening the door to the cold weather. Gwen had taken off her jacket and she was slightly shaking against the cold current of the wind.

"You'll get a cold," Taemin said to her, taking off his jacket and wrapping it around her. "You wanna talk about it?"

She shook her head. "No," they both sat down on the porch steps, her head now in the crook of his neck. "Merry Christmas."

Taemin brought her closer to him as he wrapped his arm around her. He leaned his head against hers and closed his eyes letting the warmth of Gwen consume him. "Merry Christmas."


	16. Chapter XIII

“Hi Mrs. Johnson,” Taemin greeted as he came into work.

He walked in wearing a button-up white t-shirt that Minho had given him for his birthday, jeans that looked suffocating, and a pair of somewhat worn out tennis shoes. Since he was forced (“forced”) to get this job he went in early as to hope to make Bambi happy and not disappointing her. It was his first job and he was a goody-two-shoes wanting to make a good impression.

“Taemin?” Bambi looked up. “You don’t have to call me Mrs. Johnson, just Bambi is fine,” she walked over to him and started examining him.

“Am I not dressed right?” he looked down thinking there was something wrong with how he dressed.

She shook her head. “No,” she looked up, “more _underdressed_ if you ask me. Do you not have any outer clothing such as jackets?”

He shrugged. “I mean, yeah but I didn’t-”

She shook her head. “This does not sit well with me young man, you need to dress better. Get some jackets will ya.” she penguin walked into the back of the store and then came out with a heavy blanket. “This should do.”

“Mrs. Johns- _Bambi_ , I’m fine you don’t need to-”

“Nonsense!” she waved him off as she gave him the blanket. “If I see you with this off I will not be a happy boss.”

Taemin, flabbergasted, stands there and nods. What _was_ he to do in this situation? Have the audacity to tell her no when she’s helping him? He never got help from anyone because they were too busy degrading him, so he wasn’t used to this. He draped the blanket over his shoulders and waited for further instruction.

“You can go work at the cash register, sweetheart,” Bambi pointed while walking away, “I’ll be sorting out some music.”

Taemin nodded and headed over to the cash register waiting for people to come in. There he saw a little seat sitting where a person would be standing behind the cash register. Did Bambi put that there so that no one would feel tired standing there all day? This woman was a godsend from Heaven, maybe God is real after all.

Nah.

He wouldn’t change his religion, he still believes God is a bunch of baloney but it doesn’t mean he isn’t grateful for the events that have happened in the past few months. Meeting Gwen was the start of it all, she helped him become more normal, she was the only person daring to ever talk to the pothead kid.

Now _she_ was an angel.

That was when he noticed a girl walking in with long black hair and had a thick body. She was skinny, but she had a thick bottom half and chest, the complete opposite of Gwen. This girl, in comparison to Gwen, looked like a model. She wore high waisted skinny jeans with a loose black peasant top, this in comparison to Gwen was polar opposites. Gwen didn’t dress to impress and simply wore things that looked fitting for her stature. Sometimes she wore dresses, sometimes she wore fancy tops, and sometimes she dressed like she came out of hell.

The girl strutted every time she walked, her black pumps clicking against the floor. If Taemin used his intuition right; this girl was rich. Her black tote bag on her arm as she walked through the store scanning every book on the shelves. Taemin could only look in awe as this girl strutted through. Her aura was confidence, pride, and all the things he couldn’t place into one word. He didn’t know what made him so attracted to her, but he knew something was different about her.

She turned around nothing in hand and walked up to the cash register. If he knew anything from being in stores and shops before, he knew she wanted something. “What can I do for you?”

“Could you recommend me some songs?”

He paused, looking at her. His music taste was quite peculiar and most likely wouldn’t match up with this girl standing in front of him. It’s bad to make assumptions, he knew that, but his friends were different. Minho took Taemin in, Gwen did the same, all of his friends were different because he knew them. This girl? He didn’t know her, all he could assume was that she liked pop music from Post Malone, Ariana Grande, or Dua Lipa.

Not that he had anything against them, he just never really liked pop.

“Well,” he began, “it depends on what you like. I assume pop?”

She began to laugh, almost in a mocking way. “No, I _hate_ pop. I’m more into You Me At Six, Twenty One Pilots, and Panic! At the Disco.”

That’s when Taemin perked his head up. He _knew_ those bands, and everyone in this area didn’t listen to alternative rock or pop rock, it was always hip hop or pop. His friends were in the same spectrum, with the exception of a few other genres mixed in like Indie or his own; rock. He wasn’t in his emo phase but he still did appreciate the music.

“Panic! At the Disco came out with a new album back in June.”

“I know that,” she contemplated, “although I do wish they sold the album more often in places such as this. Getting out of this part of town is hard, gotta plan ahead—which I didn’t do.”

It was true, you either leave this place once you turn of age and leave or you stay for the rest of your life only generations to come. That's how his family was, deep-rooted in this little fucked up town that there was no escape from. Drug addicts everywhere (himself being one), underage kids drinking alcohol, parents who just didn't care anymore, but despite those problems everyone held up a good undetectable front. Once you hold the front up for so long that's the only thing you get known for, unfortunately, it was too late for him.

"I understand that," he said with a sullen expression, "my family has roots here that I can't change. It would be nice to get out though."

The girl nodded walking with him to the shelf with the label 'Rock' written across it. "I don't know whether it is here or not, but an album of Panic! At the Disco should be here."

His finger glided across the albums; Asking Alexandria, My Chemical Romance, Pierce the Veil-there it was. He got out the album of the stack which had the band's name written across it. It was smooth, new, and slick. He never bought albums before or ever had one since he didn't have the money to buy one so this was a new experience for him. He handed the album to her with a polite smile.

"Would that be all?"

Brazen like she said, "Well, I would like your number."


	17. Chapter XIV

Gwen had canceled their date for that week so Taemin called Vivian to go on a date. It wasn’t a date per se, but rather hanging out to know each other better. Vivian and Taemin had a lot in common besides their music taste; the way their personalities were shaped, they didn’t believe in God, and that they connected really well. He liked her, he really did, and he didn’t know what had attracted him to her other than that day in the music shop.

In other words, other things happened than Taemin meeting Vivian. Taemin and his father got into it a few nights ago. Taemin, not wanting to bother Minho and having nowhere to go, lived in the music shop. He set up in the vacant upstairs room and stayed there. He didn’t figure Bambi went up there, but one day she did and saw his makeshift bed. Later that she instead of asking him what it was, she told him to pack up and live with her.

While he lived there he heard all sorts of tales the old woman had stored.  She would sit in her old, floppy green chair while Taemin would sit criss-cross applesauce on the couch with hot-chocolate in his hands. She knew of his bad habits with drugs and knew coffee could act more like an addictive drug than anything, so she replaced coffee with hot chocolate. She would tell him stories of when his parents were younger and he would just listen.

“Oh yes, your mother and father,” she’d look out like she was on The Office, “they were wonderful children. They were outgoing, flamboyant, and had fiery passion. They had goals, ambition, and desires ahead. They thought of ideas ahead of their time, ideas that no one else had thought of, and ideas to help this town and it’s always been.”

And so he would sit there and listen to the woman ramble on of past times. Old, black and white, and cryptic times that have now gone and passed. She’d talk about them as if they were happening now as if the twenties were in the now, and the past was the present. It felt like an old photo, the skies were a yellowish tint and the buildings looked grey, while there was still old cobble on the floor, still talking in cryptic rhymes and old wives tales.

“Something on your mind?”

“Nothing much, just memories.”

He still kept this in the back of his head, Bambi talking about his parents like it was a thousand years ago. Like they were in a different time period, in space and time, a different galaxy completely different from his own. What she told him made sense that it would sound ancient and unimaginable; it was something that could never happen in his lifetime. What had happened then had already instilled in their minds and was never vanishing; something he could never see.

“So, how’s the big move in?”

Taemin shrugged. “Nice, a big change from my old home to this one.”

“Because your parents are overprotective?”

“More like the opposite. They could care less of where I am and if they did that’d be the only nice thing they ever did for me.”

“Ah,” Vivian nods, “my dad ran out on us when I was two and my mom became a drunk alcoholic.”

“Kinda redundant to use two words that mean the same thing?”  
Ever since Taemin had met Gwen his vocabulary became expansive. She taught him words he didn’t know as she knew two entire languages. He found it interesting of how she knew all of these mysterious and fancy words and wanted to know them himself. It was like a secret code or an inside joke that only they would get.

“Nope,” she shook her head, “sorta to emphasize how big of an alcoholic she was.”

“Oh, sorry.” he felt awkward for even asking the question. Awkward as in embarrassed awkward, but he felt especially awkward in front of her. He felt like a schoolboy in front of his crush. “So how did you get away?”

“I didn’t, really, all I did was move into a house here while my mom lives twenty minutes away. I wanted to move out, and once I was old enough I did, but I didn’t have the financial stability to move anywhere else with college topped on all of that.” she looked to Taemin, pausing before she spoke again, “Why haven’t you moved out until now?”

Taemin shrugged. “Fear mostly,” he kicked at the ground lightly as he spoke, “Afraid that if I left that they would find me no matter what.”

“If you hide well enough they wouldn’t,” she noted with a joking smile, “Running away from your parents is more like a game of Hide-and-Seek, just more intense and the game is never-ending. Hide long enough they give up hope or you end the game.”

“I just hope they don’t find Mrs. Johnson. She’s the only mother figure I’ve had, other than Minho, and I feel more comfortable living with her.”

“Why are you more comfortable living with her than Minho? From what you’ve told me you two seem to be really good friends.”

That was something he had never contemplated before. He had known Minho for a longer time than Mrs. Johnsen, yet he somehow trusted her more than he trusted Minho. Of course, there was stuff that he couldn’t tell her but could tell Minho, but for the most part, he could tell more to her than Minho. It was the way she talked to him, the way she treated him, the way she felt more inviting than most older adults. She was patient but headstrong, she would push him to try harder and to his limits but not so far to drive him into a frenzy. She knew his boundaries more than he knew himself.

“She just _knows_ , she knows things that I couldn’t possibly fathom or begin to understand. It’s strange, I know, but it’s the way her presence is. She’s taking care of me but I feel like I have to take care of her.”

Vivian hummed, nodding along. “I wonder what that must feel like.”

Taemin shrugged. “It feels nice.” He now understood what Gwen felt to step over a line. He blurted it out and didn’t even think. He didn’t understand before, why everyone would want to know why he was the way he was but found himself doing the exact same thing. “Do you not have anyone?”

She turned to him, stopping in her tracks looking down annoyed at him. Her eyes were cold but she didn’t raise her voice or anything. “No, not really. It’s just been me,” every word that came out of her mouth was laced with hurt and pain. He felt bad for her, almost pushing her to say something. He wanted to know more about her, but he would just be stepping over a line even further.

“So, anyway,” Vivian speaks up, as they begin to walk again, “how’s your job?”

“Fine, it’s quiet for the most part. On our busiest days, we have less than thirty people come in.”

“Not much for people, eh?”

Taemin shook his head. “No. I don’t have a concept of who to trust and who not to trust.”

“But you trust me?”

“Because you and I are the same in a way. Not exact, but our likes and dislikes. We get along and you understand personal struggles.”

“I just know how to survive on my own,” Taemin shrugged, “My parents didn’t do the raising so I did it myself.”

“You tend to shrug a lot,” Vivian noted, “just out of habit?”

“Out of habit, I guess,” Taemin said, tempted to shrug. “Have you ever gotten back in touch with your dad?”

“No,” she shook her head, “I figured he didn’t want me so I never got back in touch.”

“Maybe you should try?” Taemin asked her, “I mean, I’m in no position to give advice on a situation I know nothing about, but at least you should try to talk to him. Maybe he was young and ran out of fear.”

“Maybe you’re right.” Vivian nodded.

“About talking to him?”

“About being in a nonexistent place to give advice.” Taemin looked down hearing these words. All he wanted to do was offer help and support like Minho had taught him to. Minho taught him most of his social etiquette but there was just some stuff Taemin had to learn himself. “But I suppose you’re right, _in a way_. As much as I don’t like talking about him he may have changed over the years. It has been over twenty-five years.”

This made him feel better in a way. He felt of importance because he was able to offer advice rather than someone offering _him_ advice. It felt nice to be on the giving end of it then the receiving, but sometimes he knew he couldn’t follow his own advice. Of course, someone giving him advice was nice and all but he felt like his words impacted someone like he had a voice to someone. God knows he hasn’t had a voice in so long.

“It’s kinda getting late isn’t it?” Vivian looked up to the sky with her hands shoved in her pocket.

That was when he found himself reaching for the vibrating phone in his pocket. He saw the bright green message app light up and a message from Gwen. She explained to him that she had to cancel because of late night classes and of her new part-time job at a clothes store. She had time to text him because she just got off of work and was now on her way home.

“Yeah, it is,” Taemin said putting his phone back in his back pocket. “Gwen just got off of work.”

“Seems to me that she can’t seem to make time.”

“I’m sorry?”

“I mean, she’s going to get busier and she won’t have the time to go out every Friday night. Just watch and see.”

“You don’t know that. She may have time off.” Taemin didn’t know if it was true whether or not she’d be able to make it anymore but he just hoped and wished that she could make it.

“Really? She works at one of the most popular store shops in town that gets twice as more customers than the band shop. She’s gonna be busy constantly there and I’d be surprised if she could make to your dates on time.”

“It’s not dates-”

“Whatever it is, it won’t last much longer.”

“Why do you have a sudden interest in who I hang out with and if they’ll be able to make it?”  
He was getting pretty pissed at how her sudden interest in him and Gwen spiked up. She had never spoken to Gwen before or even acknowledged her but now Vivian brings up her of all times? She wasn’t his only friend and not his only girl friend.

“I'm only concerned because you seem to depend on her for these dates, or whatever they are, and I don’t want to see you upset that she didn’t come.”

“She wouldn’t want to miss this. We have fun together, we enjoy each others company.” he so desperately wanted to believe this. He couldn’t stand seeing all of his friends go off and enjoy their lives while he’s living his dumb crappy life. “She won’t miss,” his voice started to pout like a kid.

“Call her then, see if she’ll come next time.”

He gave her a glare before digging into his back pocket and getting his phone. He dialed her number and called her. “Hey, are you going to be able to make it next week?”

He could hear shuffling on her end as if she had just gotten home. “I don’t know. I’m really busy and they have me working around the clock like crazy because I’m new. Look, I _want_ to go, I really do, and if I could magically make things change I would but-”   
“So you’re not coming?”

She sighed; defeat, tired, and gloom. “No. Taemin, I’m sorry, I really am.”

He could only clench his phone, grit his teeth, and shut his eyes. He wanted to yell at her, he wanted to yell at the world because she was leaving him just like all the others. He didn’t have many friends in high school but the ones he did hang around with got their lives together and grew up. He wanted to grow up but he didn’t know how. She was the only person teaching him the good of the world without being screwed up. Minho was an alcoholic who was screwed up in the head like Taemin was; Gwen seemed to be the only normal one that he was close to.

“It’s fine. I’ll figure something out,” and with that, he hung up.

“So, what time next week?”

He really wanted to punch her because she had the audacity to speak to him like that. His heart was broken and he felt betrayal by the only sane person in his life. Vivian, to him, was a very blunt and brazen person that didn’t when to stop. He was angry that she was right about a thing he didn’t want her to be right about.

“Five o’clock pm.”


	18. Chapter XV

Gwen had been wondering about Taemin since their last talk. When he had called her she was quite surprised he had called. She figured he would be with Minho or would forget about her. When she had heard the anger in his voice she was sorry she hadn’t shown up. She wanted to be there, but she couldn’t put her life above her job. She needed the money as she was falling into debt, and her mother had filed for bankruptcy. She was busy with life, her mother, schooling, so with all of this on her plant she didn't have time for him.

She had been hoping to meet up with him but he didn't check up with Gwen to make sure they would still be going out. She looked forward to these things and knew they made up a small portion of her week, but she didn't know why she was so screwed up about not going this time. She hated it, hated that she possibly fractured her relationship with him. Before she was angry at herself for fracturing her relationship because she didn't like to make people mad and that she had possibly hurt his feelings. Now, though, she was angry at herself because she liked helping him. She had always liked helping people but helping someone who was in desperate need of a normal life made her feel special to someone.

So she walked to her workplace in the cold weather. Her hands were shoved deep in her coat pockets and the scarf snug tight around her neck. All she could do was look down and think about everything she had done, every little thing that caused her to be mean or rude. She didn’t like this feeling and never did, once she would think of something so trivial as being rude to someone or words she thought were embarrassing it never went away. The thoughts would weave into one another and make her think of things that she did weeks ago to years ago.

She had always told Onew about these thoughts and thought they were just her being her. She had always done this when she was a child and worried about things she did years ago when she knew they had little importance now. He always told her to go to therapy for this kind of thing but she never did. She was fine, right? Besides all she did was over think and secretly hope that people liked her; maybe she did have a problem.

She was greeted by a hello by her manager when she first walked in. Gwen couldn’t help but smile back and greet her the same way in a forced manner. “Hi, Nancy.”

“Gwen, you’re here!” this woman was oddly cheerful for working at a minimum wage job and dealing with rude customers. “There are some clothes running out of stock, could you restock them?”

“Yeah, sure.”

The same thing every day in a monotonous routine gets boring after a while, but if it helps pay bills then you might as well do it. Stocking, cash register, or anything else is what she does. She does the jobs that no one else shows up to do. She only hopes that once she’s gotten a week, a month, or half a year where she’ll be treated like a regular employee rather than a newbie.

She wasn’t treated badly, it was actually quite a good job, but doing things like clockwork and never getting enough time to rest takes a toll on her. She comes out tired, worn out, and not having enough energy to do anything else. She barely has any to take a shower once she gets home. Standing for the majority of the time has made her develop back pains and her feet are constantly in pain as she walks.

Stocking up the clothes in the cardboard box that was left by the rack she could hear giggling and laughing from a few feet away. Young couples come in all the time so she didn't pay much mind to it, the only reason she did was that it was within earshot. Maybe listening into their conversation she could get some juicy gossip as she and Key shared gossip frequently.

"Really? So that's what happened in the back of that Warped Tour concert."

"Yeah, my friend and I had accidentally pissed off some guys plus some of the guards so we were running and had accidentally let the fireworks shoot too early. At least we got a laugh out of it."

This had made Gwen stop completely. She wasn't angry but she wasn't happy with the voices she had just heard. Setting down the box she peeked around the corner seeing Taemin talking to a girl. She had long black hair and a very curvaceous body. From where Gwen was staring she could only admire the girl's body as she looked like a model. She was at least a few inches taller than Taemin wearing only flats.

Before she looked like she was stalking Gwen went back to her post. She didn't want to get in trouble for not doing her job but she sure didn't want to make Taemin think she was stalking him.

Unfortunately, they had already seen her, maybe it was just a glimpse but they had seen her. “Gwen?”

She froze, gritting her teeth and wincing. She didn’t want to seem jealous, she wasn’t, and she didn’t want to seem like a stalker. She didn’t know why she had to keep telling herself this when she knew it was true for herself. Taemin was just a normal person with his own life. He was free to do whatever he wanted.

“Taemin!” it was fake, as she had seen him before, but she didn’t know how else to act. “It’s great seeing you. Who’s your friend?”

The woman stepped in front completely stopping Taemin from speaking. “Vivian,” she held out her hand. If Gwen had, to be honest, this woman scared her because she had a resting bitch face. “You must be Gwen. Taemin talks about you sometimes.”

—He did? She didn’t know she was worth talking about. “Ah,” Gwen smiled putting her hand on the back of her neck. “I feel honored.”

Taemin cleared his throat. “So,” awkwardness filled the air for a brief moment, “how are you?”

“I’m fine. I’ve been working here nonstop and I’m starting to get bored of the monotonous routine.”

“Why don’t you just quit?” Vivian asked, “Unless you’re going into retail.”

“No,” Gwen shook her head while she held herself in a closed off composure, “I can’t go off to my dream job because they require me to have my degree and I’m still in college, so I can’t exactly get a job without having the proper education.”

“Forge documents,” she stated coolly.

“That’s—that’s illegal.”

“Not illegal if you don’t get caught,” she shrugged as if it was nothing.

Gwen couldn’t tell if this girl was actually serious or joking. Her face showed no emotion unless she was very good at doing a poker face. It had been a couple of second with no change in her expression; this girl _was_ serious.

Gwen awkwardly laughed, “Yeah, I guess I could, but I don’t know how.” after a long and uncomfortable silence she asked, “So how are you, Taemin?”

“I’m fine, actually! My job is great, which I haven’t properly thanked you for it, and I started living with Mrs. Johnson.”

“You’re living with her?”

“Yeah, I moved out of my home and in with her, an after that my life has been _really_ good. Since you were at work last week I went out with Vivian to know her better, and since you’re working here I asked Vivian.”

“Taemin,” she smiled, sullen but cheerful at the same time, “I’m proud of you, I know that sounds weird but I am. I really wish I could spend more time and Taemin,” she took a step to him, but a pair of eyes always watching her every move stopped her, “I _really_ do want to spend time with you.”

Spending time with him wasn’t just a nuisance but rather a part of her day that she looked forward to. She had been doing this weekly routine for a month and a half and every Friday after classes she loved spending time with him. It was his radiance of happiness and genuine joyfulness. Seeing him smile instead of hiding behind the hood of darkness and hidden in a little box far away from everyone just showed how much he was improving. She knew he was always shy or at least crude to other people so seeing him interacting and seeing other people was a step forward.

Gwen wasn’t jealous of Vivian, actually, she was quite proud and surprised he made friends with someone other than her or spending time with Minho or Onew. Somehow Taemin and Onew were close, and not the close of being best friends but rather a mentor to student relationship. Onew seemed protective over Taemin yet wasn’t overly protective. She doesn’t know how this relationship came about and was always intrigued at every time they interacted. The only other person who hadn’t warmed up to Taemin is Key. He didn’t treat him like dirt, but he was awkward around him most of the time.

“Wow,” Taemin put a hand to his heart, “that actually felt really good to hear, thank you.” he turned to Vivian with clothes in hand. “I’ll go pay for these, I’ll be right back.”

Taemin left leaving only Gwen and Vivian. The tension was there and it was suffocating, Gwen felt scared to even _move_ with Vivian within eyesight or knowing she’s in the same vicinity as her. It was something about her demeanor that scared her and how she practically towered over her. Comparing heights, Gwen was about five foot three while Vivian, this gigantic human being, was about six foot three.

“So, how did you meet Taemin?”

“Like you would care,” she spat.

Gwen raised her head, unbeknownst to her she had been staring down, in confusion. What did Vivian have against her that made her react like that in quiet? “What? Have I offended you?”

“You’re playing coy with Taemin, and when you stopped seeing him every week to work here, at a crappy retail store with pretentious workers such as yourself I may add, it broke him. I wouldn’t do that because I’m his _friend_. I make time for him.”

“I—I’m sorry,” all she could do was stutter and her voice wavering, “I—I want to but it’s not that easy.”

“Easy my ass. Luscious platinum blonde hair, green eyes with a small frame, I bet your daddy has a lot of money too,” Vivian sneered, “I bet you’re just using Taemin to manipulate him for sick jokes. _I_ wouldn’t do that.”

“Are you implying I have romantic feelings for Taemin?”

“I’m not implying anything, I’m just saying what the cards have dealt me with. _I’m_ the one for Taemin, not _you_.”

Gwen was taken aback by this sudden sassiness and snide. Vivian just held her head up and nose to the sky like she was disgusted by the very existence of Gwen. Just by looking at Gwen just offended her and hearing her name was like venom on a blade ready to cut someone.

“I’m—I’m just going to go stock another shelf,” Gwen said shuffling away hurriedly.

But before she could leave she heard Vivian gritting underneath her teeth. “You better run for the fates have plans for you.”


	19. Chapter XVI

“Your mom sold the sold the ranch?”

Gwen could only nod as she fiddled with her watch. When she got nervous or anxious she fiddled with stuff that was on her; pants seems, necklaces, hands—now she had a watch to help feed into it. She’d dig herself deeper into her coat making herself seem unnoticeable and would often shake her leg for no reason. Sometimes her leg would get tired but not very often.

Onew could only put a hand to his mouth in shock and then just rub his face. He looked like he was thinking. He was always thinking, wondering, worrying, but those thoughts didn’t phase him much anymore. He noticed small details about her; sullen eyes, avoidant gaze, fidgeting, slouched over.

“That’s was the only thing you had—“

“I know, even though most stuff couldn’t be restored. Stuff that was in dad’s name now has to be sold, anything he owned, even the ranch. My mom’s a retired businesswoman, so we have no stable income.”

Onew nodded. “Yeah, you always told me she was trying to make ends meet but always ended up short somehow. I’m guessing her debt piled up, so she went for bankruptcy.”

“That’s why I took the job at the popular retail store. You know people aren’t my thing, I’m not shy but just rather an introvert, and my social exhaustion goes up in that store, but if it’s to help mom then I’m willing to endure it.”

“Even if it means your health?”

Her eyebrow raised and she put both of her hands to her stomach. She used her arms as a barrier to get herself away from the situation she was in, but to no avail, nothing could be done. She had to face it herself. “Whatever do you mean?”

“Gwen, you know what I mean! You go to sleep at ungodly hours of the morning and wake up just minutes if not unhealthy hours later,” Onew stood up jabbing his finger in the direction of her bedroom. “You don’t eat, you don’t take your lunch breaks, and you work yourself past your limit. I see you come home tired and weak but only to wake up to make yourself more tired again! Not to mention you look more tired than usual; you look _sick_ , Gwen. I’m scared for your health.”

“Then what do you suggest I do?” Gwen’s voice shook as she put her face in her hands. “I need to help my mom and the bankruptcy didn’t do jack squat. I _need_ a well-paying job to help support my mother and me!”

“I could give you money.”

Now that was just absurd. “No, I couldn’t! I’d have to pay you back and what if I don’t? What if I come up too short and-and well _everything_ _else_!”

Gwen shook with anger and despair as she could only sit there. She wanted to help her mother and wanted to find out ways to help her but she couldn’t. She couldn’t find ways to help her or find anything affordable. She was afraid of losing everything she had grown up with, losing everything she had ever been taught. She had already lost one thing; she couldn’t lose another.

She went to work every day with the intention of getting money for her mom, getting money to help support the little they had left. Most of her money was gone in the debt and by the time she had filed for bankruptcy it was all gone and no way of returning. She hated knowing the fact that her childhood home was being ripped from her all for a capitalist regime. If she could have it any other way she would, but couldn’t _find_ any other way.

So, Gwen did the only thing she could do now.

Walk away.

* * *

“Calm down Onew,” Minho was holding Onew’s hands who was hyperventilating.

“Minho, you don’t understand. Gwen has been there for me in times that no one else should see, times that were too graphic to even say. She helped me through all of that and now it’s my time to help her yet I don’t know how! She helped me through thick and thin and now I know that she’s going through a tough time.”

Minho just held onto Onew while he was hyperventilating. “Just breath, follow mine.”

Minho still kept his arms around Onew while Onew was trying to calm his breathing. With Onew’s head pressed tightly against Minho’s shoulder and their chests barely apart. It was calm for a moment. Onew followed his breathing, a calm slow pace which made him feel like floating on water. His back against the current carrying him downstream as he stays perfectly still. The slight waterfall that occupied his hearing and drowning out the other noises in his head.

Onew laid perfectly limp in Minho’s body, a raging ocean finding comfort in a calm river. He sniffed and let his head roll to the side softly hitting Minho’s head. He felt nice although smelling of alcohol. His long limbs hanging around his small body and Onew resting on him like a pillow.

It was quiet, serene, beautiful. The two entangled in each other was a peaceful moment, like a safe place for both of them, finding comfort in their own arms. The musty smell of the apartment and the filth of empty beer bottles didn’t outshine the moment these two were sharing.

“Gwen told me about her mom selling the ranch. It originally was her fathers but he passed away. It’s all they have…” Onew sniffed wiping his eyes. “I just want to help, as she did for me all those years ago.”

“And you will,” Minho said putting a hand in his hair, “but now isn’t the time, maybe for you it is, but Gwen, I don’t want to say she’s looking through rose coloured glasses but, she’s looking through very _very_ foggy glasses. If that makes sense.”

Even through all the alcoholic breath, Onew could smell he understood Minho. He couldn’t make Gwen understand him or even take his advice, all he could do is sit back and try to guide her. If she chooses to take his advice then she may get on a better path. Her path wasn’t bad, it was just unhealthy. He wasn’t to force her to see what she was doing to herself, the harm she was doing to herself. Onew could see the harm she was doing to herself. The way she was getting thinner, the way she was always tired, the way she was getting sicker.

“When my parents divorced it sucked,” Onew laid his head on Minho’s shoulder snuggling into him, “my mom, she was starting to lose everything in the divorce and she,” Onew took a deep breath, “she acted out. I know she didn’t mean to, and it wasn’t very often, but when she did act out I would hide away in my room.”

“You two are on better terms now, right?”

Onew nodded. “Yeah, she feels guilty for acting the way she did. She never did anything physical but I had always thought something was my fault. I didn’t know what but _something_ was my fault. Once I realized it wasn’t my fault I forgave my mother and forgave myself.”

“Ew.”

Onew found himself on the floor and Minho holding an empty beer can ready to chuck it at Key. Onew was confused for a moment, wondering why Minho had thrown him to the side like that, but then remembered;

He wasn’t gay.

Or he thought so.

“What do you want, asshole?” Minho threw the can at Key who recoiled in disgust.

“Okay one; this place is _not_ up to code, and two; you two do know Taemin is dating someone, right?”

Minho and Onew looked at each other for a long time, using telepathy to speak and processing what had been said. Taemin, the loner dude who only hung out with them, _got a girlfriend_? Before they all did?

“When?” Minho and Onew asked simultaneously.

Key shrugged, “I dunno, but Gwen told me. She did tell me that after she had met his girlfriend she was getting sicker. I mean, _really_ sick, like flu.”

“Gwen doesn’t normally get sick, especially like that,” Onew told them, “She might be stressing herself beyond belief. She comes home tired and she says she aches but that she’s fine.”

“Why aren’t you doing anything?” Key exclaimed in confusion.

“I’m trying but there isn’t anything I can do!” Onew whined. “I want to help her but it’s not like I can force her!”

Key sighed. “I’m willing to bet it’s because of that girl. I’ve only seen the girl Taemin’s dating twice, around campus, and she’s pretty weird.”

“How weird?”

“Voodoo weird, man,” Key crossed his arms thinking, “I mean, she’s always _dark_ and acts like that one kid who never got out of their emo phase.”

Minho sat up and looked at Key, “We need to find more information about her. Taemin doesn’t need to be hanging around a person like that.”

“You’re not his dad?” Key questioned, “I mean, I understand but you’re acting like his parent.”

“I might as well be.”


	20. Chapter XVII

Gwen sat on her bed playing a game hoping to get her mind off of everything. She’s scared to come out of the house, to go to her work, to do anything. Everywhere she went she’d see  _ her _ . She’d see Vivian. It was like a constant reminder that she was never alone and that she could never live life the way she wanted. She hasn’t visited her mother since Vivian started stalking her, but she worried that she already knew where her childhood home was. Gwen cared less that her home was in jeopardy, she just cared about her mom.

“You didn’t have work today?”

“Nope, and if you ask I’ve done most of the chores that need to be done; washing the dishes, folding clothes, vacuuming—I did it because I haven’t been around as much, so I decided to do them.”

“You didn’t need to do that!” Onew scolded, “You’re already tired as it is. You don’t have to feel bad—”

Gwen paused the game looking a Onew. “But I do, I don’t want to leech off of you for a free room. That’s why I did all of that,” she unpaused the game, “what else do you want?”

Gwen wasn’t angry, per se, but she was getting annoyed. Why couldn’t he understand that she didn’t want him to feel used? She wanted to do her fair share of work around the house since she hasn’t been there, Not doing anything just makes her feel guilty and that she isn’t doing enough. She couldn’t afford to get kicked out, not that Onew would ever do such a thing, and didn’t want to jeopardize her relationship with him.

Onew, on the other hand, would travel the world just to make Gwen feel better. He didn’t care that she wasn’t doing much or that she would lay in bed all day. He uses to do the same; not getting up for the purpose of using energy, not doing much because he could care less or that he was simply tired. He knew all of these things, and he could see it in her. The lack of energy, the lack of sleeping, the lack of anything. He didn’t want her to go down the same path he did.

“I just don’t want you hurting yourself.”

“What the fuck is that suppose to mean?” Gwen snapped.

“Don’t you see what you’re doing? I could care less that you don’t do stuff around here; I know what that feeling is! I just want to help you—”

“I don’t need  _ helping _ !” Gwen yelled. “Can you just leave me be? Stop caring about me! I’m just fine!”

Before Gwen could throw whatever object she was reaching for Onew closed the door leaning against it with his eyes wide and his heart racing. He so badly wanted her to see the pain she was doing to herself; to see the girl he knew was different. He’s been there for her, through her good days, through her bad days, thick and thin—there hasn’t been a time where they haven’t been together.

He wanted to guide her through this and tell her it was fine. He wanted to take her hand through the thorns of a garden so that she could see a rose. He wanted to go on those walks they use to take at night in their old neighborhood; talking about stuff they did that day and things that bothered them.

He couldn’t see his life without her, not in a creepy way. He has always spent his time around her that she’s the glue to his stick; she's his other half. They haven’t done  _ everything _ together, as both had different hobbies, but in the end, they’d come a full circle and meet each other again. Just because both would be on one side of the circle didn’t mean they wouldn’t meet up in one way. Either both going opposite directions and meeting up in the middle, or finding some way to reach the other side by running across it.

He hated to admit it, he always hated to admit this. Every time he’d see her his eyes would light up. If his day was a shitty one he’d go see her, or if once he did meet up with her his mind would immediately forget. It was like she was the dopamine in his system. He learned to be happy around her, and sometimes he needed her if he wasn’t happy.

As you could tell; Onew liked Gwen.

Maybe she grew up? She could live without him but he couldn’t live without her? It felt like a petal in a flower just picking away asking if she loved him or not. Now that flower was withering away at the seams because the flower hadn’t been plucked all the way. Once he knew his answer, then the last petal would be plucked.

He could never have the courage to tell her. She was the only thing in his life keeping him going and if he was to ruin that; he’d be alone. Onew never was an outgoing kid, and stayed mostly to the shadows, his only friends being the ones he kept in contact with. Of course with the new addition of Taemin and Minho, but even then his friend list was limited. He wasn’t like Gwen, he couldn’t go up to people and talk. He wasn’t as brave as her, and even then why would he have a reason to talk? Why talk when there is nothing to be said?

* * *

Gwen had left the apartment complex when Onew was out. She didn’t want to risk running into him again, albeit living in the same home as him. Gwen knew she was wrong and had no reason to yell at him. All he was doing was trying to help her, and she was pushing him away. She didn't want his help, even when realizing this, she wanted to do this herself. She’s always had people to help her, and for once in her life, she would like to do things herself.

Usually, she would be the one to go to the grocery store across the street, but ever since she’s started her job she never had the time to go in and buy stuff. She’d want to, but she’d be too tired to even think, so she’d turn the other way and go to the apartment. Gwen didn’t know whether Onew had been going or not, but even then knowing that she hadn’t been doing her job as a partial owner of the apartment room they were staying in made her feel guilty. She always felt guilty and felt as if it was her duty to make things right, even if the other person was in the wrong.

She hadn’t talked to Taemin in a few weeks as to stay away from Vivian. No call, no interaction, no texts even. By getting her mind off of the threats she’s gotten she works constantly and is always doing something making sure her mind has no time to roam and worry. She knew that the random texts she had been getting were from Vivian, telling her about how worthless she was and that she’d kill her the next time she talked to anyone. And if she were to tell anyone she’d ruin her life.

Looking over her left and right shoulders every second she made her way across the street. She made sure to walk fast, in a speed-walking manner so nothing would happen. She was scared,  _ always _ constantly scared of the unknown if it threatened her. She’s been paranoid since day one, making sure nothing was out to get her and keeping her guard up at all times.

With all of the paranoia going on in her head she didn’t realize her coughing had gotten worse, making her lungs feel a sharp pain every time she did so. Her pace slowed down and her arms felt heavy from carrying little to nothing in her hands. Her panic and paranoia were setting in so much that she didn’t realize herself getting closer to the ground. She felt tired, she felt weak; both mentally and physically. Her mind stopped racing, and she stopped moving.

**Author's Note:**

> My Spanish is relatively new and not good so excuse my Spanish. If it is wrong then please feel free to correct me! Other than that I hope you enjoyed the chapter


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